Be Strong

I truly believe after reading a blog, that how you act or react during times of conflict or crisis shows your true self. If you are even tempered and do not get aggitated or explosive during a crisis that is your true self. Why fly off the handle about a situation that you have no control over? I consider myself a even keel kinda person but that is seen as weak in some eyes. It's not that I am weak, its that I choose my battles and it might not be worth fighting for. I don't consider myself a strong aggresive person either. Even when it is something that I do want to fight for, it is always with thoughts of how do I convey my emotions and relay the facts without flipping out on someone. I never understood why aggression has to be shown during a conflict. I guess "talking it out" won't work with these type of people. I just have learned how to tune out and duck when things start flying. I try to always be postive, upbeat and happy. It comes natural to me. I see a smile and it makes me very happy. But even during a crisis or a tough time, I try to find the positive or turn the bad into good. I know that "Tough Times don't last, Tough People do!" (TJT) I believe happiness is within everyone. YOU CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. There are things in life that bring that happiness out. You need to seek what makes you happy. I feel that my trials and tribulations that life throws as me is a test to make me stronger for the next obstacle. Life will always have its ups and downs. It makes me wonder how do I see the bad and turn it around to be good. I expect it won't last and better days are coming.

Musicals!

How can you not know Les Miserables is a Musical? LOL Oh well sit there for 3 hours and hopefully it was worth the ticket price. I love any kind of musical. But I love sushi more! So why do certain things make me giggle outloud? Hearing the word WAAASAAAABiiii makes me smile. Geico commerical with camel and hump day always makes me smile. "Mike Mike Mike" and then the smell of Arm and Hammer and how it makes all things smell so clean and fresh makes me smile too. I smile when I see red shirts on Fridays knowing its to support the troops for Remember Everyone Deployed. Babies and puppies make me smile. I laugh too! I smile when I hear certain songs on the radio. My favorite will always be Ray Charles singing, "Georgia". Always on my mind!! I know purple makes me smile.

Musicals and singing

I am not a singer but I do like to belt out some tunes. At least once a day I am belting out a song and it always makes my mood feel better. Music is my therapy. I know if I am feeling blue or just in a funk, that if I play good music it can lift my spirits immediately. I find watching musicals also helps. I love "The Sound of Music". Maybe because its a large family and they are being raised by warm loving woman who sings. Hmmm sounds like my Mom. My Mom had a beautiful voice and I remember her singing many songs to me. So my song of the day goes back to a Disney movie and a great memory of her singing this to me. "Zippity- do-dah, Zippity-de-ay, My, oh my, what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine headin' my way. Zippity-dee- do-dah, Zippity-de-ay! Have a WONDERFUL day!

Jury Duty

I am going to jinx myself with this post but I have not had jury duty since I've moved down here.  I only remember going to jury duty once when I lived back in MA.  Yes I am a registered voter and yes I did vote in the last election. But they say that does not play a role in being chosen for jury duty.  I was never chosen and remember they discharged us right at lunch time. I had the day off from work so that was like a bonus day off.  But I always wonder what really goes on for being a jury.  I know I am not one to judge.  I think there is only one to judge and we will all have our judgement day. 

I am very gullible too so I believe stories people sometimes tell me.  I would not make a good juror. The defense would get up and I would believe them...then the prosecutor would make their case and I would believe them.  I always heard that you just have to say you are related to a cop/correctional officer and  you would be let off.  Not sure if that is true.


I know I would not want to be a juror on a "famous case".  I could sit on a jury for someone who might of been hurt in a motorcycle accident. They would automatically win the case if it was up to me.  You can't sway me on that one.... motorcycle rider always wins, especially if they were hurt and in the hospital for a few days.  I would award them a VERY LARGE sum of money to help them with their anguish.


My friend Sunshine just had to go to jury duty on Monday. She could text and had downloaded a book for use on her tablet. But she was not allowed to have water or snacks. Go figure...crumbs are not allowed in courtroom.  She is a very Christian woman and had to say she was sitting there judging people based upon the way they looked. She apologized and sent text LOL.


I am not sure if I will ever have jury duty but now that I have put it in my blog... I betcha now I will!  Just hope it not too far away like close to Georgia!

Cooking abilities

I can boil water, which means I make a mean mug of hot cocoa.  I can make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese but don't ask me to make homemade anything.  I love egg salad which means...boil water.  I guess being the youngest sister, I was only given limited kitchen duties such as peel potatoes.  I have the scar on my thumb to prove it when I peeled my thumb instead of potato.  Sister Maureen would be left with written instructions on how to whip up dinner since Mom was working all night shift 11-7 so would be sleeping during the day. 

My other kitchen duties were to clean pots, pans, dishes and anything else that was dirtied up during dinner.  My Mom always joked that I would need to find a man who could cook.  I never went hungry even when I didn't have a man.  My favorite meal is tuna fish and peanut butter and jelly.  No fuss- no cooking.

I can follow a recipe but even then I have to make sure I follow the recipe to the tee. I forgot the sour cream when making my Mom's famous coffee cake. That is because I'm scatter-brained and need to focus.  It is a lesson in my life that when I start to lose focus, I say to myself "COFFEE CAKE" and that reminds me to slow down and focus.
Now I'm hungry...off to make some egg salad.

Jell-O

J-E-L-L-O
Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle
Cool and fruity
Jell-O brand gelatin

I love Jell-O!  But I have to eat sugar-free because of my intolerance to sugar.  I just love the way it feels nice and cold in my mouth on a hot summer day.  I like the way I squish it between my teeth back and forth until it becomes watery again.  Its really good for you when you are in hospital or after Dentist appointments.

I like to put some sugar-free CoolWhip on top as well and its a PARTY!! 

Well....actually the party is when Jodi mixes up a batch of Jell-O shots and the Tata's are having Girls Night Out.  I have also tried the jello shooters that are syringe type of things that are sold and you squeeze them into your mouth. Those were fun watching Jodi collect them down in Myrtle Beach with the expectation of re-using them again.
My favorite flavor is LIME but I guess any flavor is good. (especially mixed with Everclear)   http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Jello-Shots

You only live once moment or Bucket list item- get in tub filled with jello!  Might be fun & tasty

Character Flaws

Character Flaws 

Yes I have them!! See I am not perfect and I readily admit that I am not perfect.  I have flaws and some of them are not obvious!  So here are five of my top character flaws for all of you to either scratch your head and say... "she's not like that" or "WOW I never knew that about her!"

Don't Judge - I'm only human!

1) I smell really bad!!  Okay so some of you know that about me!  After my gastric bypass, I have an issue with lettuce and the magnificent aroma my body emits after digesting it.  Sorry Coco for being my cube mate for all those years but at least I had potty spray.

2) Yes I do pick and have always been a picker.  If you see me picking, slap my hand like my Mom use to do.  But guess what... its a bad habit and it still continues.

3) I am too gullible. I consider this a flaw sometimes. Yes I am not that gullible to believe I have millions in a Nigerian bank account but if you told me that one of these days, you will be giving me a WONDERFUL gift.... I might believe you.

4) I am a spender...not a saver.  But yet I don't spend money on frivolous things. I don't get my nails done every two weeks, I don't spend $65 on a Brazilian wax (though I was thinking about it) and I never buy coffee from a store..I make my own.  But when you look at my bank account - it dwindles down without me thinking about future savings. I consider this a flaw since my husband knows every penny he ever spent.

5) My fifth one would have to be jealousy.  Yes I am selfish and want certain things.  I want them for my own pleasure and get jealous if someone else has what I want. I don't let it be known too much of my jealousy because it only makes the other person uncomfortable.  I get jealous of not just materialistic things but of time spent with loved ones when time is too short or they live fah (Bawston tawk) away.  I get jealous of not being there for important moments in their lives. 

I have more than five flaws but wanted to share some of my worst.  As you get to know me, you will find MANY more!!  LOL

Red Shirt Friday

I have been wearing red on Fridays for about two years now.  It is to support the troops and to "R"emember "E"veryone "D"eployed.  The only Friday I do not wear red is the week before St. Patrick's Day is my green week.  I have a strong connection to the military and always show my support for the troops, especially those deployed.  Since losing my nephew in Iraq, I have come to realize his ultimate sacrifice that he signed on the dotted line...was for me and my freedom.  He is my inspiration and has come to inspire others to wear red. 

I know....Redheads aren't suppose to wear red!  Well it never was my favorite color,  but I have come to like it. It is still better than yellow on me...YUCK!!  Its easy to buy clothes when you have a specific color to buy.  And my favorite store "GW" has their clothes by colors!  (GW=Goodwill) LOL

Can a simple gesture of wearing red make my day?  YES!!!  Seeing you in red shows you care about me and what I believe in.  I see you on Friday's wearing red and it brings a big smile to my face.  I even have my bureau drawers set up by color so I know Thursday night what I am wearing the next day. Last Friday I wanted to look a little nicer than a tshirt since I was meeting my friend Krystal after work. I love her...she makes me smile and glad we met up to reconnect and laugh and have a "Pain Killer" at Cheddars.  Life is good y'all! 

So when you notice someone wearing red on Friday's.... it might just be to support the troops, or to support a friend who cares deeply about soldiers.


http://redshirtfridays.org/

Hair Hair Hair Hair Hair Hair

Yep that just for you! 
I know how much my hair is considered my "mane" attraction since I was little.  I remember how orange it was and how uncomfortable being the Howdy Dowdy of the kids.  It did help having brother also being a redhead and with such an Irish name it suited me.  I guess I knew that I was special being redhead but didn't really like the attention.  I hid behind a wall, which became my big girl body.  Who wants to look at a big girl redhead?  I never liked to show off or being the spotlight. Although..... I did love being in dancing school and performing for dance recitals.  I guess my love of dancing helped overcome my shyness.
I did come out of my shell and was voted in high school as "Most Spirited".  That was because I was loud and shouting at games, but that was to keep up with my cheerleader friends.  There were not many redheads at New Bedford High School.  People would get me and Sue T. mixed up all the time.  Well we both were on swim team but she was skinnier than me. 
I had really long hair, then cut it to a Dorothy Hamil cut around 1976 and then let it grow out again.  It was shoulder length in high school and then the summer I graduated, I cut it short again.  That was the summer I met first husband Todd.  He only knew me with short hair and he preferred it short.  We even owned a "FLO Bee" that we would attach to our vacuum cleaner to cut our hair.  I once used it without the spacers and my hair was almost buzzed cut.  It was shorter than Todd's!
But once he left... I began growing it again.  It was so long and healthy right before my Gastric Bypass.  I lost so much of my hair and it was the one quality about myself that I really liked.  So for the last two years I've been trying to eat more protein and get healthier hair again.  I think its getting better. Someone recently told me how good it looks!!  Now you just need to see it in person. 

Flowers

My favorite flower is Freesia.  It has a beautiful fragrance and it is very delicate looking.

My favorite flower

Of course if you know me...you already know my favorite color of freesia! OK so if you don't know me its purple. I love any kind of flowers except there is one that reminds me of funerals or church.  It is a big ball and think it is a form of Chrysanthemum.  I do like the name "Chris and Mum" which remind me of Mom... but the flower just makes me think I am either in church or at a funeral. 

My other favorite flower is daffodils.  Only because of the timing of them.  It seems just like when the horrible month of March is about over and all the winter blahs are through...you get to see life spring up out of the ground again in a "hosts of golden daffodils" - Poet: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I really do love flowers and they do brighten up a room and make someones day just a little better.  I like to look at them and be reminded of the sweet person who took time out of their day to send/buy me flowers.  I know they die..but for the thoughts and the beauty...they are worth it.

Swimming

I am in need of a vacation somewhere close to the water.  I live 4 hours away from the ocean.  I was raised in Massachusetts in city that was right on the water and is known for our fishing fleet.  When there was low tide, you could smell it.  And believe it or not...I miss that stinky low tide smell.  I really miss the sound of the ocean crashing against the sand on the beach.  When the waves crash it also releases this intoxicating smell of salt water that I miss that smell too. 
My fondest summer memories are of going to the beach with my whole family (9 of us) and just playing in the water.  Mom had her own lifeguard orange whistle just for us!  But being the baby, I had my older siblings watching out for me too.  My whole family are big swimmers. My brother Donald was lifeguard, which for a pale puke redhead is a challenge!  Then my oldest sister Maureen was the first female lifeguard in our city back in 1978.  She also would swim the 500m on swim team.  That is 20 laps in pool.  Maureen had a "pretty" way of swimming where her feet would hardly splash. 
I prefer swimming in pools since you don't have to worry about what creatures might pinch your toe-bees on the ocean floor.  I somehow ended up with sand up my butt too!  Plus salt water leaves your skin dry and flaky unless you go to shower off as soon as you come out.  We had showers at our local beach.  Mom would bring her own soap & shampoo for us.  Along with baby powder that helps take the sand off. 
Salt water is very good for skin irritation and bug bites....but chlorine is good for that too. 
The perfect vacation would be down at the beach but also has a pool.  That way after the sun goes down you can still be in the pool on those hot steamy nights.  Nothing like a moonlight swim.

Addicted

You see someone addicted to Meth, alcohol or even cigarettes and wonder ... why can't they just put it down and walk away to a healthier lifestyle.  Well I guess the same is about relationships.  Smart people stay in bad relationships because that is the only relationship they know of.  They have never been treated the right way or felt the love of a true love relationship so they accept their circumstances and stay.  It also takes a strong person to walk away.  That strength is not always easy to come by. But they always say that someone who has an addiction also reaches a low point and that is when they seek help to change their circumstances.  Yes sometimes that low point is sitting in a jail cell waiting trial, or maybe it is being diagnosed with lung cancer so the cigarettes just don't seem important anymore.  But when it comes to a long term relationship; what is the low point when the person decides when they have put up with enough crap or violence to now seek a happy life?
Getting your life in order is a hard task to accomplish alone. And as bad as that relationship is, there is a sense of stability from that person always being there even in the worst of times. They also may have the extra income needed to sustain the bills and without their paycheck, credit scores might be ruined and the lifestyle they are accustomed to is gone.  I don't want to think of that person as a victim- but more of someone who doesn't know better...and lives with the person that they are dependant upon someone who treats them like shit. 
I was just looking at article about Nigella Lawson and how her husband attacked her in middle of restaurant.  She is a beautiful, smart woman.  How could she let a man treat her like that?  That is probably all she knows and or she is more looking at his fat wallet and never complained because the bills were paid.
I pray to strength and faith and mostly love.  Because with love...ALL things are possible.  

Preparation

Preparation is the key. Unless its Preparation H then it's a pain in the ass!!

Sometimes I have to prepare myself for the future.  I have to get prepared to face a certain situation or event that I know my normal happy self is not going to enjoy.   I try to envision it and pretend it is not that bad.  I know I can make it through, a little stronger and more confident.  
This new job is preparing me for a certain busy future.  I know it is not making me happy at the moment.  Its bad and hopefully once I know the job, it will get better.  Damn its only day two!  But there is a feeling that if I prepare now with learning this job as best as I can and keep learning...that I will have a brighter future. And who knows... I maybe surprised and might just become my happy self at some point. 
SOMEDAY!!

Birthday blues

Talk about feeling sad on such a WONDERFUL day!!  I posted last week how cards mean so much to me.  A phone call from family or text messages means just as much too. But why would he forget? Is he that insensitive to my feelings?  Is it all about him?  Why couldnt he go get me a $3.00 birthday card that wishes me a Happy Birthday and how much he cares about me?  I don't know... lost right now.  Hurting and yes I should go talk to him but dont want to "cause problems" so again I keep the hurt inside and still smile on the outside.  It keeps building up that one day I am going to blow...and its not going to be pretty.
Please God watch over and protect me... keep me safe and give me peace.

Bruins!!

"Everyone knows a penguin doesn't have a chance against a Bruin"- MB!!

I love that saying!!
I guess my favorite national hockey team is Boston only because I did meet Patrice Bergeron while I worked at Reebok.  He still had a thick French accent and he was so sweet.  I have been to one New England Patriots game when Steve Grogan was quarterback and I was in marching band circa 1983.  I did go to one Red Sox game but was on a blind date so I was more nervous than having fun watching the game.  Guy was Sean Michael Patrick Kelly and it was only one date. LOL Damn Irishman!!! I did go to 2 New England Revolution games. Once with my Spanish friends and it was a blast.  I saw that there was a special deal for ticket, pizza and drink with really good seats. So I had invited Rick to go on our first date.  He had never been to a soccer game and we had fun.  The guys sitting in front of us made us laugh which cut the tension of first date jitters.  "Get up off your knees ref- you're blowing the game".  
                                                                        
I still love to watch soccer especially if #11 is on the field playing defense. Go Black! I hope to watch them play again... maybe in September? 

Birthday basics

Yes I do love Hallmark cards and sometimes the best gift is the card and not the actual gift.  Although I do love the anticipation of opening the gift and wondering what is inside.  But sometime the best gift has nothing to do with an actual item but more like a sweet notion that conveys how much that person means to me.  Best birthday was last year at Myrtle Beach.

I can't believe I will be 47!!! Lucky number!  I sometimes feel like I am younger due to different situations or people I am with.  I believe its just a number anyway.  You are only as old as you feel and I feel 19 sometimes!


I have a feeling it will be another lucky year for me.  I get to start a wicked good job next Monday, June 10th!! It will be customer service but my customers will be accounts and not just cranky people calling in complaining about their broken Samsung stuff.  I did not like the job but I still went to it everyday.  Yes I played hookey a couple of times- but it was worth it.

I prefer marble cake but would probably go into a sugar overload and feel pookie.  I have strawberry shortcake with angel food cake instead.  I don't think I can wait until next Monday so I will have a pre-birthday celebration ahead of time.

Happy 47th to me!!  is it 47 leaning to the right like it was moving so fast? LOL

I have to have all of your love....

Heartbreaker - Cuz I la la la Love you

Stop and smell the roses

Whenever I get an invite for a wedding, I reply but I also include the simplest wedding advice.  "Stop and smell the roses" 
A girl dreams of her wedding day for so long and wants it to be perfect.  Of course just finding the perfect man is the hard part, but once you fall in love with him, all you can picture is what life will be like as his wife.  You start to imagine all the details you dreamed of as a girl.  It takes a lot of work and even more money to pull off the perfect wedding.  An hopefully, it is not perfect.  Something is bound to go wrong but hopefully it is only a minor problem... like the limo driver gets pulled over at Logan Airport as he is dropping you off for your flight to Aruba for honeymoon. True story...

But I always send this message on the reply card because brides are so caught up in the details, that they don't stop to take it all in.  They are too focused on the details that they don't catch their grandmother whispering to her son how proud she is of his daughter and how he raised such a beautiful girl.  The actual wedding itself goes by too quickly.  DO YOU.... take him?  DO YOU ...take her?  I now declare you husband and wife.
That one moment....
Capture that moment in your heart and in your head.... and stop and smell the roses

Bump in the Road

There are days that we have bumps in the road and have to pull ourselves together just to get through it.  The problems always seem so overwhelming and get us very upset that we can feel our blood pressure rise and every little thing seems to tick us off.  We feel the pressure and pain of life and feel like we are the only one who has to go through days like this.  Well it's not true.  We all have been there and have seen the darkest days to know that sunshine comes out after storms. Gary Allen, "Every Storm Runs out of Rain". 
And as bad as things are... there are people that are worst off and going through more of lifes trials and tribulations. Take a moment to de-stress and full deep breathe through your nose and breathe out the stress and anguish of whatever part of life is making you struggle right now.
My thoughts are hoping you get through whatever it is.... God Bless

Honey Lemon

Who came up with this concocktion?  Why is it suppose to help my throat feel better?  I have larengitis and that is the worst thing to have when my job is my voice.  I did go to work yesterday and my first phone call the guy was saying.."I can't hear you".  

I am going to try my best to go into work tomorrow but I don't know how long I will last.  The hot tea does feel good but still feels like I have two big tube socks rolled up in the back of my throat.  I also got some Claritin from the pharmacy and it says only take 1 pill in 24 hours so it must be strong stuff.  I hope I get rid of this soon.

I am eating and feeling okay...its just my voice and now I am coughing a little.  I could be worse.  I made some Southwestern Chicken Chili today and it felt good going down my throat.  I have watched NetFlix this afternoon so wasn't talking too much.  Now it is just wait and see how I wake up tomorrow. Kiss my forehead and make me feel bettah!

Sacrafice

One word has stuck in my mind lately... SACRAFICE.   I was refering to Tyler and the ultimate sacrafice that he made for our country and our freedom by defending it.  He sacraficed his life and knew that ahead of time he might end up losing his life. But yet he signed up for EOD/Navy anyway.  He knew that his destiny was not in his hands but in God's hands.  Then I started to think more about God and how much I love and believe in God.  How He gave His only son as SACRAFICE for our sins.  It relates to me like Tyler.  Maureen & JP gave their son to our military to defend our country and it was a sacrafice. 

How many military families are out there this Veterans Day thinking about their loved ones who gave the ultimate sacrafice?  How many current deployed soldiers are missing their families because they are doing a sacrafice for me.  I see the American Flag different now after I read somewhere that the color red on the flag represents the blood lost in battles fighting to defend this country.  I never saw the flag mean so much to me now.  As it waves it is also as if all those lost soldiers are waving at me telling me "thanks for showing us the respect we deserve".  I love the word respect too but today's word is SACRAFICE. lol

This motorcycle was at Vietnam Veteran's Homecoming in May at Charlotte Motorspeed.  It is EOD emblem with TSgt Adam Ginnett name and says "Our Son   Our Hero".  His parents were there sharing in the day and probably thinking of their son's sacrafice.  Again another kid with a future ahead of him who died for our country. 

http://usafeenlistedheritage.org/distinguished/fallen/memorial/?id=3

Sacrafice has also been in my life lately with this job.  I have to sacrafice my own happiness to end up doing my job.  I sacrafice around the house by doing all the chores (mow lawn, garbage, cook, clean, dishes etc...) because Rick is a zombie working his 12 hour shifts for 7 days a week now since May.  That is part of marriage is the give and take and making sacrafices for each other to help out when the other one needs it.  I have made sacrafices that weren't pleasant just to please people but now I have learned that any sacrafice that I will be doing... is going to be worth it.  It might not always be enjoyable, like cleaning the toilet... (LOL) but it is worth it. 

Because it's Sunday and I just was thanking God for all my blessings... I want to thank Him for bringing you to my blog and reading more about me.  I don't know who reads this...but I am praying for you and thanking God you are in my life.
BIG SMILES!!!!

Random complaints about new job

I got a new job that I started on 8/27/12.  It is working for a company that answers calls for Samsung customers.  I do not work for Samsung. I work for 3rd party agency called alorica.

I have been applying to jobs based upon my past CSR experience and what I would be "good" at.  I know this is a good job with half way decent pay. I know I might have to work every weekend and that once Rick stops working his 7days a week/ 12 hour days that we still won't have time to spend together. Only on my weekdays off when he comes home at night. I spent 10+ years working crappy hours at AT&T but the money was worth it and I loved operator services. 

I am venting - I know I will never get as good of a job as adidas and I screwed that up so it is Karma now.  I have to "pay the piper" for my screw up.  I won't have time to go on more interviews even if I did find another job. Thought came in my head if hiring company would allow SKYPE interview so then I could do an interview during my lunch hour. Otherwise calling out is frowned upon and would get fired.

I am really scared of the AT&T atmosphere where everything is highly monitored again. Yes it is a call center and that is what I know, but honestly I don't want this pressure again.  I can feel it already.  My past panic attacks were scary and since they were work related.  I have it in my head that it might happen again with this job.  I know the past is in the past for a reason. I can't judge my present situation based upon a past incident/job.  This is a good opportunity to move forward with my life and get myself situated again with bills being paid and money to start saving for future again.  I have to keep telling myself the positive because I "feel" the negative.

A great friend of mine said, "You would have to live with the consequence of passing up a sure thing, compared to HOPE for something better"  He is very smahht!  I did not get the 911 dispatch position so it is kinda like fate that I did get this job. I wish I had spent more time this summer looking into school and pharmacy tech or something to do with healthcare.  Rick had said, "I thought you would go back to school to learn something new?"  Well I should have been more diligent about checking out schools and how to apply and how much money it would take.

I know I love people but not miserable, mean, bitchy, complain people.  Yes I would be able to help some of them on the other end of the phone.  For 60 calls a day and go home at night with one positive to 59 negative will that make me feel good about my job?  I doubt it.  I know I am already setting myself up for failure. I have to turn my frown upside down and put my big girl panties on.  I already have it in my head that I don't like this based upon the "call center" enviroment and people calling me to complain.  I am a positive person and the more negative that is pushed on me then I already know I will be miserable.  Then why take job? Because I needed to get back to work and get on with my life. 

Sitting here on the first weekend off (Labor Day 3 day) I am already dreading my future holiday's where I will have to work.  I know call centers are open 356 days a year and I am willing to work Thanksgiving and Christmas but since I will not have six months service, I will only get straight pay instead of time & half. OMG I am bitching and moaning already.  I am not usually like this and here I am miserable, upset, mad, depressed and angry with my work situation.  I have other things I am upset & depressed about....but those are for me to work on later.

My benefit package is and I quote, "limited-benefit health plan".  Which states that Starbridge is a sickness & accident plan that covers everyday medical expenses and is NOT a major medical plan to cover major health problems like heart disease or cancer.  Please pray that I don't get sick working for this company. One of the things I told myself when I went in last Monday was to go & listen to their benefit plan.  It sucks! I need to find something better since I have/had health issues in past.

I just wish I could find another job that I love (hell even LIKE) to get up and go to everyday.  I am not happy riding to work in the mornings and I remember an old boss of mine said, that "the day you dread walking through the front door of your work, is the day you need to start looking elsewhere".  I am going to keep looking elsewhere and hopefully I will find something fulfilling to my soul that can still pay my bills and give me a little play/savings money.

Craig Morgan – This Ole Boy

A House vs. A Home

I'm a girl so I like pretty things just as much as the next girl.  But too pretty is not for me.  I think I still have some tomboy in me.  I do remember ex never liked froo-froo bedroom set so we always had a neutral comforter.  As soon as I was on my own, I bought a froo froo girlie flowerly comforter set and it felt so good. 
I do like matching things for somethings. I will never ever have matching towels in my bathroom.  They are all random colors and sizes.  God forbid I ever get a monogrammed towel!  Who needs their initials on the towel they wipe their wet body off with?  I don't have matching plates either.  I standby my Corell plates that are mismatched.  I spent so much money when I was young on Princess House thinking I would need a certain wine glass, water goblet or champagne flutes.  Who the hell uses a water "GOBLET"?  It's called a frickin glass! LOL
My couch is nothing to look at with Brier stains all over it. He wipes his face on edge of couch like a cat. I do love the two recliners on either end.  I also love the fact that the back three cushions come off making it very easy to move the couch.  Worcester-NewBedford- Westport-Storage-PageSt.-Spartanburg-Moore. Wow just typed that and didn't realize that couched has moved seven times. 
I also am not a slave to cleaning or have OCD like my sister Maureen or my friend Coco.  I can live with dirt on the floor just not in clumps.  I can stand seeing socks on the floor sitting next to a laundry basket. I do laundry often enough that they probably will only be on the floor for two days.  Maureen did show me how to organize my closet by color. I do have all my clothes by color in my closet and all my pants are together, dresses and winter jackets.  My pantie drawer is also very neat.  I have the granny panties in one pile, my sexy ones in another pile, and my everyday Warner ones up front. They are not color coded! 
My house is a home I believe because of all the mismatched things and for not being pristine super clean.  Sometimes I am afraid to get a crumb left on the counter at Maureen's.  And being my big sister, she would probably yell at me. LOL (just kidding Moe!)  I like being able to go in a house, kick off my shoes and plop down on a couch knowing I can relax.  I love my sister-in-law Sandy's house for that. Her house is a home. She might be embarrassed at times with piles of clothes, magazines or shoes hanging around.  I like it! It feels like someone lives there. 
Don't get me wrong...I like clean things too.  I look at the pictures of Log Homes in catalogs and wish I lived there.  Yes I would have everyone take their shoes off at the door. LOL but other than that...I would want everyone to feel comfortable in my home.

Heat Stroke & Panic Attacks

Tempertures around my part of South Carolina have been over 100 degrees for a few days. I have tried to keep myself indoors as much as possible but did find myself doing a PGR mission on Sunday, 6/30 for PFC Brad Thomas of Easley.  I find when the temperatures rise, people are different.  Some people are more angry and miserable based upon the uncomfortable temperatures.  Other people, like me, try to keep my cool by drinking plenty of fluids, not overextering myself and monitoring my own health.  I did help my friends Jessica Stokes and Edina Teague move on Friday.  The three of us moved in a UHaul and the bank sign said 101 degrees.  So I guess I did overextert myself but it was to help friends. For the PGR mission I was standing in the shade and they had the air conditioned church open so we could cool off.  Plus I figure this soldier stood in 100+ temperatures defending my freedom, it was the least I could do to pay honor and respect to him.

I remember having heat stroke after walking a March of Dimes walk. I was probably about 11 years old and Mom let me walk it with my friends.  I was in the New Bedford Armory (yes it is haunted) and I had just called her to come pick me up.  I remember being on the payphone and seeing that everyone looked black with shadow white outline.  Next thing I knew I was on a army cot with my feet up in the air and a cool cloth over my forehead.  The army guy was talking to me but I wasn't sure where I was.  I finally figured out that I had fainted.  Mom was there immediately and before I knew it was at home being taken care of by the best nurse in the whole wide world= MOM.  She told me years later that it was a heat stroke since I passed out cold and not just fainted.  My body temperature was too high. 

A few years ago I was at golf range shooting some balls around noontime on a hot summer day here in Spartanburg.  I got the feel I was overheating which caused me to start shallow breathing and then that led to a panic attack.  I am so lucky Rick was there telling me to "calm down" and put my arms up over my head (to open my breathing) and take long slow breathes.  It worked and made my panic attack go away but it scared me.  This was my second panic attack.  The first one was a doozie and didn't even know it was a panic attack.  I had just gotten to AT&T in Fairhaven to work and I wasn't feeling good.  I went to the ladies room to cool my face and try to get some relief.  Looking back now, I did have shortness of breathe but don't remember much other than the flush feeling of faint.  I woke up to hear my cousin Kellie talking to me. She worked at AT&T with me and when someone found me on bathroom floor, they called a manager. The manager then sent for Kellie since they knew we were related.  Kellie went to my Mom's house and got her to meet me at Emergency room where the ambulance was taking me.  I remember the EMT kept trying to get me to open my eyes but I couldn't.  He said he had one brown eye and one blue one and if I opened my eyes I would see them.  I tried..but my eyes wouldn't open and I still couldn't talk.  I got to ER and Mom was there.  I felt her big man hand in mine. Now that is not an insult.  Mom was a large boned woman who wore mens rings, bracelets and size 12 shoes.  Her hands were not a typical female hands. She had man hands but they were my Mom's.  Something so soothing to feel her hand on mine.  I kept saying BC   BC   BC over and over again.  No one knew why I was saying that.   Finally a ER doctor came in and my sister Janet, who was working up on Shultz floor of St. Luke's Hospital, told him I keep saying "BC".  He asked her if I scuba dive.  She said yes.  He said that is the buoyancy compensator that has 1st stage regulator that you breathe from.  I think I must of thought I needed more airflow so was saying BC to get more air.  I know I couldn't breathe. They gave me some Rx and finally felt better. Mom and Janet helped bring me home (I lived across the street from hospital).  Rick came that night to stay with me during the middle of work week. I felt like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson.  I was so weak and my body was sore all over.  Now they tell me it was a full blown panic attack.  I never had one before and the other other time I started to feel the shortness of breathe with golfing, was the other time.  I am not on any medicine for panic attacks and actually feel fine.
I write this and think back to bad things that happened in my life and see how I was surrounded by people who loved me and helped me get through them.  I need those people around me when I am at my worst.  The question is.... will they be there for me?

Beach memories

"Would you walk to the edge of the ocean, just to fill my jar with sand
just in case I get the notion to let it run through my hand." -Band Perry

I love this song and everytime I hear it reminds me of very special things. I love the ocean and miss being down by the water with my toes in the sand.  I love feeling the sand under my feet and how it feels so squishy.  I love sunwarmed hair and the coolness of the ocean as you dip your toes in for the first time. I miss the salty taste of the ocean in my mouth. I love the smell of coconut suntan lotion or Kyndall's Bath & Body lotion!
I love so many things..... special secret birthday gifts which always made me smile. Great memories at Myrtle Beach

Michael's Schwinn Bike he made me

My brother Michael worked at Yesteryear Cyclery, Inc. in New Bedford.  He helped Kim Camara build and repair bicycles. Well for my 10th birthday in 1976, Michael gave me this one of a kind bike.  It is a special frame and he made up the name himself. (sorry forgot the name)  I loved the Irish kelly green color and loved my banana seat with stick shift on the frame.  I loved that bike.  It sat in my mother's basement up until a year ago when she passed away.  Michael took the bike back to Kim/Yesteryear and they ended up hanging it from the ceiling in the store as a type of museum. I am happy to say my bike is on display!  Lots of memories on that bike.  Love you Michael!

When I sit alone and wonder what life holds for me in my future, I don't know what will happen but I do know that I will be very happy with no regrets.  Life is too short not to be happy.

Memorial Day for Tyler

Wow!!  I actually have folks who read my blog?  That is awesome!  Thanks Anne & M for reading about me and my life.  I hope it makes you smile sometimes. 

I have to take a moment and not be happy, smiling or excited because Memorial Day is this weekend.  I am sad because it takes a special meaning to me since Tyler, my nephew, was killed in Iraq 4-30-09.  While non-military families look at the American Flag as just a flag, it takes a special meaning to me.  I get very emotional when I see the huge flags flying held up by Fire department hook & ladders.  I know he is a special gold star shining down on me from above.  He whispers to me sometimes to "be brave" and his saying of "Tough Times don't Last...Tough People Do".  I feel so much love, honor and respect for anyone who served in the military.  I am so proud to have been brought up in a military family and taught that our freedom we have in this country is based upon patriots who died to defend our freedoms. Tyler is a patriot.
Please look at the American Flag flying this weekend and remember those who gave their lives to defend what that flag means. 
"The bombs bursting in air" - EOD forever...