Sacrafice

One word has stuck in my mind lately... SACRAFICE.   I was refering to Tyler and the ultimate sacrafice that he made for our country and our freedom by defending it.  He sacraficed his life and knew that ahead of time he might end up losing his life. But yet he signed up for EOD/Navy anyway.  He knew that his destiny was not in his hands but in God's hands.  Then I started to think more about God and how much I love and believe in God.  How He gave His only son as SACRAFICE for our sins.  It relates to me like Tyler.  Maureen & JP gave their son to our military to defend our country and it was a sacrafice. 

How many military families are out there this Veterans Day thinking about their loved ones who gave the ultimate sacrafice?  How many current deployed soldiers are missing their families because they are doing a sacrafice for me.  I see the American Flag different now after I read somewhere that the color red on the flag represents the blood lost in battles fighting to defend this country.  I never saw the flag mean so much to me now.  As it waves it is also as if all those lost soldiers are waving at me telling me "thanks for showing us the respect we deserve".  I love the word respect too but today's word is SACRAFICE. lol

This motorcycle was at Vietnam Veteran's Homecoming in May at Charlotte Motorspeed.  It is EOD emblem with TSgt Adam Ginnett name and says "Our Son   Our Hero".  His parents were there sharing in the day and probably thinking of their son's sacrafice.  Again another kid with a future ahead of him who died for our country. 

http://usafeenlistedheritage.org/distinguished/fallen/memorial/?id=3

Sacrafice has also been in my life lately with this job.  I have to sacrafice my own happiness to end up doing my job.  I sacrafice around the house by doing all the chores (mow lawn, garbage, cook, clean, dishes etc...) because Rick is a zombie working his 12 hour shifts for 7 days a week now since May.  That is part of marriage is the give and take and making sacrafices for each other to help out when the other one needs it.  I have made sacrafices that weren't pleasant just to please people but now I have learned that any sacrafice that I will be doing... is going to be worth it.  It might not always be enjoyable, like cleaning the toilet... (LOL) but it is worth it. 

Because it's Sunday and I just was thanking God for all my blessings... I want to thank Him for bringing you to my blog and reading more about me.  I don't know who reads this...but I am praying for you and thanking God you are in my life.
BIG SMILES!!!!

Random complaints about new job

I got a new job that I started on 8/27/12.  It is working for a company that answers calls for Samsung customers.  I do not work for Samsung. I work for 3rd party agency called alorica.

I have been applying to jobs based upon my past CSR experience and what I would be "good" at.  I know this is a good job with half way decent pay. I know I might have to work every weekend and that once Rick stops working his 7days a week/ 12 hour days that we still won't have time to spend together. Only on my weekdays off when he comes home at night. I spent 10+ years working crappy hours at AT&T but the money was worth it and I loved operator services. 

I am venting - I know I will never get as good of a job as adidas and I screwed that up so it is Karma now.  I have to "pay the piper" for my screw up.  I won't have time to go on more interviews even if I did find another job. Thought came in my head if hiring company would allow SKYPE interview so then I could do an interview during my lunch hour. Otherwise calling out is frowned upon and would get fired.

I am really scared of the AT&T atmosphere where everything is highly monitored again. Yes it is a call center and that is what I know, but honestly I don't want this pressure again.  I can feel it already.  My past panic attacks were scary and since they were work related.  I have it in my head that it might happen again with this job.  I know the past is in the past for a reason. I can't judge my present situation based upon a past incident/job.  This is a good opportunity to move forward with my life and get myself situated again with bills being paid and money to start saving for future again.  I have to keep telling myself the positive because I "feel" the negative.

A great friend of mine said, "You would have to live with the consequence of passing up a sure thing, compared to HOPE for something better"  He is very smahht!  I did not get the 911 dispatch position so it is kinda like fate that I did get this job. I wish I had spent more time this summer looking into school and pharmacy tech or something to do with healthcare.  Rick had said, "I thought you would go back to school to learn something new?"  Well I should have been more diligent about checking out schools and how to apply and how much money it would take.

I know I love people but not miserable, mean, bitchy, complain people.  Yes I would be able to help some of them on the other end of the phone.  For 60 calls a day and go home at night with one positive to 59 negative will that make me feel good about my job?  I doubt it.  I know I am already setting myself up for failure. I have to turn my frown upside down and put my big girl panties on.  I already have it in my head that I don't like this based upon the "call center" enviroment and people calling me to complain.  I am a positive person and the more negative that is pushed on me then I already know I will be miserable.  Then why take job? Because I needed to get back to work and get on with my life. 

Sitting here on the first weekend off (Labor Day 3 day) I am already dreading my future holiday's where I will have to work.  I know call centers are open 356 days a year and I am willing to work Thanksgiving and Christmas but since I will not have six months service, I will only get straight pay instead of time & half. OMG I am bitching and moaning already.  I am not usually like this and here I am miserable, upset, mad, depressed and angry with my work situation.  I have other things I am upset & depressed about....but those are for me to work on later.

My benefit package is and I quote, "limited-benefit health plan".  Which states that Starbridge is a sickness & accident plan that covers everyday medical expenses and is NOT a major medical plan to cover major health problems like heart disease or cancer.  Please pray that I don't get sick working for this company. One of the things I told myself when I went in last Monday was to go & listen to their benefit plan.  It sucks! I need to find something better since I have/had health issues in past.

I just wish I could find another job that I love (hell even LIKE) to get up and go to everyday.  I am not happy riding to work in the mornings and I remember an old boss of mine said, that "the day you dread walking through the front door of your work, is the day you need to start looking elsewhere".  I am going to keep looking elsewhere and hopefully I will find something fulfilling to my soul that can still pay my bills and give me a little play/savings money.

Craig Morgan – This Ole Boy

A House vs. A Home

I'm a girl so I like pretty things just as much as the next girl.  But too pretty is not for me.  I think I still have some tomboy in me.  I do remember ex never liked froo-froo bedroom set so we always had a neutral comforter.  As soon as I was on my own, I bought a froo froo girlie flowerly comforter set and it felt so good. 
I do like matching things for somethings. I will never ever have matching towels in my bathroom.  They are all random colors and sizes.  God forbid I ever get a monogrammed towel!  Who needs their initials on the towel they wipe their wet body off with?  I don't have matching plates either.  I standby my Corell plates that are mismatched.  I spent so much money when I was young on Princess House thinking I would need a certain wine glass, water goblet or champagne flutes.  Who the hell uses a water "GOBLET"?  It's called a frickin glass! LOL
My couch is nothing to look at with Brier stains all over it. He wipes his face on edge of couch like a cat. I do love the two recliners on either end.  I also love the fact that the back three cushions come off making it very easy to move the couch.  Worcester-NewBedford- Westport-Storage-PageSt.-Spartanburg-Moore. Wow just typed that and didn't realize that couched has moved seven times. 
I also am not a slave to cleaning or have OCD like my sister Maureen or my friend Coco.  I can live with dirt on the floor just not in clumps.  I can stand seeing socks on the floor sitting next to a laundry basket. I do laundry often enough that they probably will only be on the floor for two days.  Maureen did show me how to organize my closet by color. I do have all my clothes by color in my closet and all my pants are together, dresses and winter jackets.  My pantie drawer is also very neat.  I have the granny panties in one pile, my sexy ones in another pile, and my everyday Warner ones up front. They are not color coded! 
My house is a home I believe because of all the mismatched things and for not being pristine super clean.  Sometimes I am afraid to get a crumb left on the counter at Maureen's.  And being my big sister, she would probably yell at me. LOL (just kidding Moe!)  I like being able to go in a house, kick off my shoes and plop down on a couch knowing I can relax.  I love my sister-in-law Sandy's house for that. Her house is a home. She might be embarrassed at times with piles of clothes, magazines or shoes hanging around.  I like it! It feels like someone lives there. 
Don't get me wrong...I like clean things too.  I look at the pictures of Log Homes in catalogs and wish I lived there.  Yes I would have everyone take their shoes off at the door. LOL but other than that...I would want everyone to feel comfortable in my home.

Heat Stroke & Panic Attacks

Tempertures around my part of South Carolina have been over 100 degrees for a few days. I have tried to keep myself indoors as much as possible but did find myself doing a PGR mission on Sunday, 6/30 for PFC Brad Thomas of Easley.  I find when the temperatures rise, people are different.  Some people are more angry and miserable based upon the uncomfortable temperatures.  Other people, like me, try to keep my cool by drinking plenty of fluids, not overextering myself and monitoring my own health.  I did help my friends Jessica Stokes and Edina Teague move on Friday.  The three of us moved in a UHaul and the bank sign said 101 degrees.  So I guess I did overextert myself but it was to help friends. For the PGR mission I was standing in the shade and they had the air conditioned church open so we could cool off.  Plus I figure this soldier stood in 100+ temperatures defending my freedom, it was the least I could do to pay honor and respect to him.

I remember having heat stroke after walking a March of Dimes walk. I was probably about 11 years old and Mom let me walk it with my friends.  I was in the New Bedford Armory (yes it is haunted) and I had just called her to come pick me up.  I remember being on the payphone and seeing that everyone looked black with shadow white outline.  Next thing I knew I was on a army cot with my feet up in the air and a cool cloth over my forehead.  The army guy was talking to me but I wasn't sure where I was.  I finally figured out that I had fainted.  Mom was there immediately and before I knew it was at home being taken care of by the best nurse in the whole wide world= MOM.  She told me years later that it was a heat stroke since I passed out cold and not just fainted.  My body temperature was too high. 

A few years ago I was at golf range shooting some balls around noontime on a hot summer day here in Spartanburg.  I got the feel I was overheating which caused me to start shallow breathing and then that led to a panic attack.  I am so lucky Rick was there telling me to "calm down" and put my arms up over my head (to open my breathing) and take long slow breathes.  It worked and made my panic attack go away but it scared me.  This was my second panic attack.  The first one was a doozie and didn't even know it was a panic attack.  I had just gotten to AT&T in Fairhaven to work and I wasn't feeling good.  I went to the ladies room to cool my face and try to get some relief.  Looking back now, I did have shortness of breathe but don't remember much other than the flush feeling of faint.  I woke up to hear my cousin Kellie talking to me. She worked at AT&T with me and when someone found me on bathroom floor, they called a manager. The manager then sent for Kellie since they knew we were related.  Kellie went to my Mom's house and got her to meet me at Emergency room where the ambulance was taking me.  I remember the EMT kept trying to get me to open my eyes but I couldn't.  He said he had one brown eye and one blue one and if I opened my eyes I would see them.  I tried..but my eyes wouldn't open and I still couldn't talk.  I got to ER and Mom was there.  I felt her big man hand in mine. Now that is not an insult.  Mom was a large boned woman who wore mens rings, bracelets and size 12 shoes.  Her hands were not a typical female hands. She had man hands but they were my Mom's.  Something so soothing to feel her hand on mine.  I kept saying BC   BC   BC over and over again.  No one knew why I was saying that.   Finally a ER doctor came in and my sister Janet, who was working up on Shultz floor of St. Luke's Hospital, told him I keep saying "BC".  He asked her if I scuba dive.  She said yes.  He said that is the buoyancy compensator that has 1st stage regulator that you breathe from.  I think I must of thought I needed more airflow so was saying BC to get more air.  I know I couldn't breathe. They gave me some Rx and finally felt better. Mom and Janet helped bring me home (I lived across the street from hospital).  Rick came that night to stay with me during the middle of work week. I felt like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson.  I was so weak and my body was sore all over.  Now they tell me it was a full blown panic attack.  I never had one before and the other other time I started to feel the shortness of breathe with golfing, was the other time.  I am not on any medicine for panic attacks and actually feel fine.
I write this and think back to bad things that happened in my life and see how I was surrounded by people who loved me and helped me get through them.  I need those people around me when I am at my worst.  The question is.... will they be there for me?

Beach memories

"Would you walk to the edge of the ocean, just to fill my jar with sand
just in case I get the notion to let it run through my hand." -Band Perry

I love this song and everytime I hear it reminds me of very special things. I love the ocean and miss being down by the water with my toes in the sand.  I love feeling the sand under my feet and how it feels so squishy.  I love sunwarmed hair and the coolness of the ocean as you dip your toes in for the first time. I miss the salty taste of the ocean in my mouth. I love the smell of coconut suntan lotion or Kyndall's Bath & Body lotion!
I love so many things..... special secret birthday gifts which always made me smile. Great memories at Myrtle Beach

Michael's Schwinn Bike he made me

My brother Michael worked at Yesteryear Cyclery, Inc. in New Bedford.  He helped Kim Camara build and repair bicycles. Well for my 10th birthday in 1976, Michael gave me this one of a kind bike.  It is a special frame and he made up the name himself. (sorry forgot the name)  I loved the Irish kelly green color and loved my banana seat with stick shift on the frame.  I loved that bike.  It sat in my mother's basement up until a year ago when she passed away.  Michael took the bike back to Kim/Yesteryear and they ended up hanging it from the ceiling in the store as a type of museum. I am happy to say my bike is on display!  Lots of memories on that bike.  Love you Michael!

When I sit alone and wonder what life holds for me in my future, I don't know what will happen but I do know that I will be very happy with no regrets.  Life is too short not to be happy.

Memorial Day for Tyler

Wow!!  I actually have folks who read my blog?  That is awesome!  Thanks Anne & M for reading about me and my life.  I hope it makes you smile sometimes. 

I have to take a moment and not be happy, smiling or excited because Memorial Day is this weekend.  I am sad because it takes a special meaning to me since Tyler, my nephew, was killed in Iraq 4-30-09.  While non-military families look at the American Flag as just a flag, it takes a special meaning to me.  I get very emotional when I see the huge flags flying held up by Fire department hook & ladders.  I know he is a special gold star shining down on me from above.  He whispers to me sometimes to "be brave" and his saying of "Tough Times don't Last...Tough People Do".  I feel so much love, honor and respect for anyone who served in the military.  I am so proud to have been brought up in a military family and taught that our freedom we have in this country is based upon patriots who died to defend our freedoms. Tyler is a patriot.
Please look at the American Flag flying this weekend and remember those who gave their lives to defend what that flag means. 
"The bombs bursting in air" - EOD forever...

My fortune today reads...

You will have many friends

  when you need them.

I believe that just might be true today, of all days. 

We will have to wait and see...