getting use to new body

There are certain things that fat girls can't do, or can't do gracefully.  One of them is cross your legs like Mary Hart does.  I think the last time I tried to cross my legs lady-like, I might of been posing for a school picture in fourth grade.

I just caught myself sitting at my desk with my legs spread wide open for comfort and my old fat girl position.  Then I realized that I don't need to sit like that anymore and tried to cross my legs.  It worked. It feels awkward but I can actually get one leg up and over the other one!  It may not be Mary Hart but they are crossed!

**side note that although I haven't lost any more weight recently, I feel great and have been walking the treadmill during lunch everyday.  As long as I keep myself healthy, I really don't care what the scale says.

Three things you need in a relationship

Here is my take on the three things you need in a relationship.  The first one is trust.  You have to have total trust in the person who has your heart.  That means not just trust that the relationship is strong and can withstand pressure from outside influences, but trust that my heart is totally in love with the person and nothing will break that bond.  Trust also that when things are bad and it seems like there is no way out, that they are the strong one and have your back.  Trust that whatever is shared between the two of you, it is only for you to know so the intimacy is strong. 
The second key component in my eyes is communication.  Communication is both listening and talking.  You should want to share your thoughts and feeling with each other.  You should be able to tell the person you love what you need and when you need it and how you need it so they can fulfill those needs. I am someone who flees during confrontation so the communication to me has to be put in a delicate way so I don't run and hide.  I also love the non-communication that is shared.  A simple touch on the knee when driving down the road.  A hand over mine to say he cares too. Those are the little things that I love to share.
The last is RESPECT and I bolded that one for a reason.  You have to give respect to get respect.  A relationship is doomed without respect.  It ties into the other two things to make a relationship work.  He has to know that I have flaws and I am not perfect but he respects me.  He has to also respect me as a person who has values and morals and does not judge me.  I need someone to respect me as a woman and not treat me like a doormat.  I will treat my man like a king as long as he knows when he dies...the kingdom is all mine!
Oh an I just needed to add this one too....Laughter and smiles.  Every relationship needs laughter & smiles. I would not be able to have a relationship if he didn't make me laugh and smile.  That is what gets me through my days.  I love it when he smiles and laughs because then I smile & laugh right back.
They are pretty much all equal in value but those are the things I think make a relationship work.  Money is not important and putting the toilet seat down is meaningless.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  On the other hand if he is very romantic and mushy when you are dating...don't expect it to continue when you are married! I'm just sayin'

Babies

I would love to have a baby, but it just wasn’t in God’s plan. No doubt we have tried and we just might get pregnant now that I have this weight loss. My fear is being an old lady and getting pregnant. I want to be healthy and strong enough to raise a baby, toddler, pre-teen. There is nothing more in this world that I would want than to hold a baby in my arms and have that unconditional love for them. I know I would be able to love adopted children or babies from an egg donor even without coming from my body. It is all a matter of motherhood. I remember Nancy Griffin got me a little Donald Duck beanie hat when I was pregnant in 1997. Someone else got me a book about what to expect when expecting. I was so happy to have finally gotten pregnant that I told everyone and was so excited. I guess I jumped the gun because I loss the baby 8 weeks later. It was not meant to be and that was a good thing. My boyfriend at the time, was cheating on me and I guess the stress took its toll on my body/baby.


There are several girls here at work that are pregnant or just had a baby. I am very envious of them but am so happy for them too. There are other woman like me, sitting here wondering why them and not me? I guess every month I am reminded that I am not supposed to have children. It hurts.