KIFFMCSC-Knight of the Inferno Motorcycle Club of South Carolina

I just posted a picture of me wearing my Knights of the Inferno M/C vest.  This means I am officially a club member.  The club is for any Fire, EMS, military personnel. It is also open to certain individuals that are upstanding individuals.  My husband joined the club a year ago after meeting a friend he was going to school with.  I joined the club after obtaining my MC license this past spring.   Now I get to belong as social member and look forward to being full member someday in the future. All I need now is the bike! I also am the club treasurer which means I have to answer for any money added or subtracted to account. 

The last meeting I went to was a mixture of fun and horror.  It was held at a local restaurant and it took over an hour for the waitress to serve us.  The fun is how much these guys make me laugh, especially the club president, Joe.  He has this “Joe-ism’s” as I like to call them that come out of his mouth and are hilarious.  I guess working for years in EMS, police and being in the military you pick up this one liners.

We are looking for new members.  We want more participation when we do have team events.  Hopefully word will get out and our membership will begin to grow. 

so close!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am closer to "One-derland" than I have ever been.  I haven't been this size in over 25 years.  How I have missed it!  I sat here tonight watching Biggest Loser and weird feelings came over me.  I use to sit here and watch it wishing it was me losing the weight and participating in the challenges.  I know I would make an excellent team player.  But I was also hearing the weight these girls are and saying to myself...that was me!!  She is what I use to look like?  How come I couldn't see it as clear as I do now?  How come looking in the mirror all I saw was the same person I always was.  I never saw the fat but yet I saw the fat.  It use to get in my way for a lot of things.  Some of the things I was very aware of,  but others it was more subtle.  I know restaurant booths were an issue.  The hostess would look at me (us) and see oversize people so would want to seat us at a table.  After trying to squeeze into a booth more times than I care to imagine, I came to the conclusion that tables were better.  I like being able to sit in booths again. I could tell on JetBlue when I went home this summer.  I had so much more seat belt left to tighten up and I wasn't worried if I was crushing a skinny person next to me.  Matter of fact, on the flight home I sat near a heavy set man.  I said to him, "It's ok if you touch me".  He laughed and said, "that is a first!"  I realized how it sounded and turned red while trying to explain I wasn't coming on to him.  He understood and then showed me his wedding ring and said it didn't matter anyway...he was married. LOL!!!  I also went on a walk for Obesity last Saturday morning.  It was the morning of the Susan G. Komen Mountains to Midlands.  I missed it last year but my Mom was much more important than the walk.  This year I didn't sign up for a team but was going to go and support my co-workers.  I woke up too late and decided to go help to the Obesity walk in Spartanburg.  I wanted to show my support for this very worthy cause, close to my heart- literally. Plus I had just seen Dr. Ross last Wednesday and after telling him I would be more than happy to speak in front of potential patients about my journey, I wanted to show I was genuine with my offer.  Dr. Ross also called me Doty.  I laughed and he explained that all the other adidas patients he has calls me Doty.  I told him that is okay with me.  I think two more ladies from work are going to have the surgery.  That will make 9 of us.  Our own little support group!
I still sleep with my sleep apnea machine.  I think it is addictive because the sound and cool air puts me to sleep.  I will going without it on the weekend.  Maybe I will feel better when I wake up. 
Things are going great.  I have so much energy and renewed spirit that I feel like I am bursting at the seams all the time.  I love life again and hope I show everyone I care about just how much they mean to me. Y'all know who you are!  Some of you even read this blog!

Update

I am off to see an eye plastic surgeon today for my chalizion.  It is a small cyst that is on my left upper eye lid.  I went to the eye doctor yesterday for an eye exam and found out that I have 20/50 vision and need glasses for things close up.  I can’t read a medicine bottle to save my life.  Now with glasses I can but that means it is another sign I am getting old.  He saw my eye lid and suggested I have it removed for cosmetic reasons.  As soon as he said the word “cosmetic”, I began thinking of mascara, eye liner, and eye makeup that looks funny due to the lid on that eye.  Plus it is full of puss so that can’t be good after all these years.

My weight is still going down and that is a good thing. I currently weighed in this morning at 216 which is 74lbs from the beginning of my weight loss surgery. My body has a way of keeping the weight for a few weeks, get my period, and then I start seeing the scale go down. I still am losing my hair and instead of a thick bun when I pull my hair back, I can tell it is much thinner. Rick pulled a huge “rat” of hair out of the tub. It was disgusting how much hair was causing the water to drain slower. I hope it comes back soon.

I look at a number on the scale and try to think back to the last time I remember seeing that number and it has been over 20 years ago. Then it takes me to place where I was 20 years ago and because I was younger and thinner, it should make me happy to reflect back. But it doesn’t. It makes me mad to think how naïve I was to think that a man could make me feel good or bad. I didn’t know myself or how to be me. It was all in the way he treated me whether or not I felt good enough. Now this man was my first husband and as much as I thought I loved him, I know deep down I shouldn’t have married him. My self-esteem was shot long before meeting him. If you meet me, you think I am a happy-go-lucky girl but deep down I have emotional scars that still tear at my heart. They will always be there and some days, the scars cause me pain, but I have learned how to suppress those feelings. I would rather be known more happy-go-lucky than a mean cold bitch.

After my divorce, it took some time, but I learned to love myself again. I also learned that men are dogs. They really are! They either are hungry or horny so give them a sandwich!! (LOL) But after being with a bad boyfriend, and praying to God to find someone that could love me as much as I love them, I met Rick.