so close!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am closer to "One-derland" than I have ever been.  I haven't been this size in over 25 years.  How I have missed it!  I sat here tonight watching Biggest Loser and weird feelings came over me.  I use to sit here and watch it wishing it was me losing the weight and participating in the challenges.  I know I would make an excellent team player.  But I was also hearing the weight these girls are and saying to myself...that was me!!  She is what I use to look like?  How come I couldn't see it as clear as I do now?  How come looking in the mirror all I saw was the same person I always was.  I never saw the fat but yet I saw the fat.  It use to get in my way for a lot of things.  Some of the things I was very aware of,  but others it was more subtle.  I know restaurant booths were an issue.  The hostess would look at me (us) and see oversize people so would want to seat us at a table.  After trying to squeeze into a booth more times than I care to imagine, I came to the conclusion that tables were better.  I like being able to sit in booths again. I could tell on JetBlue when I went home this summer.  I had so much more seat belt left to tighten up and I wasn't worried if I was crushing a skinny person next to me.  Matter of fact, on the flight home I sat near a heavy set man.  I said to him, "It's ok if you touch me".  He laughed and said, "that is a first!"  I realized how it sounded and turned red while trying to explain I wasn't coming on to him.  He understood and then showed me his wedding ring and said it didn't matter anyway...he was married. LOL!!!  I also went on a walk for Obesity last Saturday morning.  It was the morning of the Susan G. Komen Mountains to Midlands.  I missed it last year but my Mom was much more important than the walk.  This year I didn't sign up for a team but was going to go and support my co-workers.  I woke up too late and decided to go help to the Obesity walk in Spartanburg.  I wanted to show my support for this very worthy cause, close to my heart- literally. Plus I had just seen Dr. Ross last Wednesday and after telling him I would be more than happy to speak in front of potential patients about my journey, I wanted to show I was genuine with my offer.  Dr. Ross also called me Doty.  I laughed and he explained that all the other adidas patients he has calls me Doty.  I told him that is okay with me.  I think two more ladies from work are going to have the surgery.  That will make 9 of us.  Our own little support group!
I still sleep with my sleep apnea machine.  I think it is addictive because the sound and cool air puts me to sleep.  I will going without it on the weekend.  Maybe I will feel better when I wake up. 
Things are going great.  I have so much energy and renewed spirit that I feel like I am bursting at the seams all the time.  I love life again and hope I show everyone I care about just how much they mean to me. Y'all know who you are!  Some of you even read this blog!