Tears come easy to some people. I am one of those people. The feelings I have in my heart are so deep that things touch me and tears begin to flow. Holding a 3 week baby...tears. New mothers at work would bring their newborn bundles of joy in to show everyone. The baby would be passed around to all the gushing coworkers. Inevitably the new mom would ask if I wanted to hold the baby. I would always say no. Two reasons. First, I never wanted to "feel" the baby in my arms. It is a indescribable feeling that when you really want children and then you hold a baby that it is beautiful but there is a hurt inside of "why not me"? The second reason is I don't think passing around a baby among too many people is a good thing. Maybe 2 but 5-8-10 people at such a young age.. That's too much stimulation and anxiety on the baby.
I had tears holding him but I also had big huge smiles.
I held my best friends 3 week grandson for a good half hour. There really is no better feeling than holding a baby or hugging someone close to your body. That bond, even for a little while, felt so awesome. He slept so peacefully and I knew as I rubbed my hand back and forth down his back, that he felt my love. Jaxson broke my 7+ year streak of no baby holding.
I know I would of made a great Mom but hope I made a half way decent Aunt. Now I just need to find a way home so I can hold my great-nephew Tobias in my arms, who is "Cool Like His "Great" Auntie!!
