Ancestry- Roots- Family Heritage

I am one of seven children so there was always a feeling of legacy in knowing we had enough of us to carry the "bloodlines" in our family. But lately...I have had these thoughts about how I am a childless 58yr old woman who did not have a "branch" on the family tree to continue that "bloodline" or roots. Sometimes I think about the children I would have had. I was even given a picture from a friend of what she thought my daughter would look like and yes she was a redhead. I always wanted a little girl who wouold have redhair and blue eyes just like me. That was the bloodline I was thinking. Now all these years later...I know we have a family "look" about us. Gabriel, my great nephew, looks a lot like my oldest brother. Michael John looks like Donald. That is why I always thought that I couold of had a redhead. When met my first husband and I spoke of children, I thought of a name that my imaginary little redhead girl would be...Gabrielle. It was french sounding so it paid homage to my French Canadian ethniticy. I also was married to a french guy so my last name would have sounded great with Gabrielle. We had made a pact whenn we got married young that we would wait five years to start a family. It turns out that after five years...there were other woman that needed my husband more than I did. Needless to say...there is no Gabrielle. (Side note- the guy married three other woman and did have a little girl named Gabrielle with his third wife) I was close to having a baby but it never happened. I was all caught up in the thought of being a mother. I was 36 years old and it was a boyfriend I had met via online ad. Our relationship was fast moving. He took me to Florida to meet his parents. I was sure this was the man of my future. Then it started happening again. The gut feeling wasn't something wasn't right. Leaving every Friday night for a "car auction" and yet dressed up? Other details were something that my gut told me was not right. Yet- eight weeks pregnant thought perfect time to tell my family I was pregnant. Boyfriend was still so excite and so was his family. I ended up finding out about her and where he was going. I think I found her by snooping on him but I found out. He never did confess as he really wanted this baby. The beginnning of new year brought disappointment and knowing what a D & C meant by OB/GYN. Another lost chance of naming my little girl Gabrielle. This guy ended up being verbally abusive because looking back, I caught him lying and cheating. His game was up! He got physcial once and from that moment on...I know I needed an out. I had an ad online and I was being pushed by "friend" to keep dating. Looking back, I should of done a lot of things different. Regrets...yes but cannot regret my past because it has brought me here. All things in my life I think have made me who I am.