Cancer Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Large BCell Difuse Journey

I began this journey with a simple cough. Or so I thought it was “just a cough”… That cough began in January when sniffles, coughs and winter blahs normally happen. But then no amount of cough syrup or countless cough drops would make it go away. It was in April when a sales representative friend of mine suggested I get a lung xray or at least go see a doctor.

I made an appointment for May 5th at 3:30pm with my PA. The nurse weighed me in (168lbs) and then took my vitals. My temperature was 101.9. My blood pressure was good. The PA came in and made me breathe deep to check my lungs (chief complaint cough) but said they were clear. She said her biggest concern was my temperature. I had no chills or feelings of having a high temperature. I even had the nurse take it again….same 101.9. 

The PA explained that white blood cells might be high and ordered both lung xray for the cough and a complete blood count. She explained that if the blood count came back late in afternoon and it was determined that I had an infection, I might need to go to emergency room. Her concern was my system going septic. I have heard that word when my mother went septic during 9/11 and was in ICU. Her tv was on with horrific 9/11 events…and I was even released early from work…but drove right to ICU to check on Mom. They had her on a cooling blanket I remember. So the word septic brought back negative images in my mind. The PA said if my numbers were off that night…she would call me. I checked my MyChart app and saw my blood counts were off but I am not a doctor. 

May 6th I forgot to bring my cell phone with me to work. I saw “Richard Doty” on my work number, but it was quickly answered by teammate. She transferred the call and Rick said: “The doctor wants you to go to the emergency room now”. I cried and Rick soothed my fears saying they must check why your temperature and blood counts are off. He works 3 miles away so I knew he would be right there to pick me up. My manager, Marty, told me to go ahead to leave to get it done. I am not used to company work letting me leave. There are usually circumstances or in case of AT&T there was no leave time, and you might have gotten written up. She heard my heart and said she would say prayers for me. 

At the ER, they took blood and temperature first. Then I went through a series of CAT Scan with contrast image detection fluid, then I was brought for an ultrasound. It was a long wait, and no one offered me a cough drop to soothe the continuous cough I’ve been having. Plus, it was a room with sheets hanging to separate the multiple patients there. No privacy. An orderly came back to sheeted room and said I was going for CAT scan. I told him I just had one and I wanted to see the doctor. Dr. Collins (street I grew up on) came in and told me they were still looking to see what was going on and this time was a CAT scan but since I had the contrast fluid already, they cannot add more so they were going without it this time. Ok if I need to do it again…let’s do it. 

Dr. Collins then came back and asked Rick and I to follow her to a private room. UT-OH!!! She said that what they found does look like cancer (first time I heard the “C ”word) but more tests were going to be needed. She also said my spleen was 3x the size. Dr. Collins suggested that I needed to follow up with general surgeon for a Colonoscopy. All her information goes to my PCP, Dr. Soboutipour so she can schedule what needs to be done. 

MAY 7th Dr. Soboutipour scheduled me to see her for a follow up to the ER visit. I saw her on May 9th (166lbs) She confirmed that more tests were needed to check the “cancer” diagnosis from Dr. Collins. She referred me to Dr. Hugh James, thru my guardian angel Tara, who works in office with Dr. Soboutipour. Tara said that he is one of the best. The CAT Scan found something near my liver. Dt. Soboutipour + Tara confirmed it is just a “mass”, and no further tests were needed. I was given an appointment to see Dr. James in office. 

May 15th (168lbs) I met with Dr. James for office visit. He was testing a new app on his phone that recorded everything he said so nurse didn’t have to take notes. She joked that she was still taking the notes, and he joked that app might find it hard to understand my BAWSTIN accent. I like him! He reviewed all my history and felt my belly. No pain of any kind. He then told me that he will have to see what the colonoscopy finds. The receptionist said that his next appointment was for tomorrow 5/16 and could I do it. Normally work gives me 24hr notice for PTO time. I called Marty, my manager, from office and she said, “Your health is most important” and okay to take off work for surgery. That afternoon I had to get prep stuff from Walgreens. Not a fun night as I finished all the bathroom junk about 12am. 

May16th Colonoscopy went good, and Rick was there thru it all. He drove me home and cooked me scrambled eggs, since I hadn’t eaten from yesterday. I laid down and rested for afternoon. May 21rd Dr. James was trying to reach me to discuss findings of colonoscopy. He reached Rick and told him there was nothing he found except there was a shadow that he saw. In his MY CHART notes, Dr. James wrote “Diffuse Large BCell lymphoma” that was first report of name but never caught that in the notes. He also wrote in notes referred to Dr. Buck, which is what the next thing I missed. I could have GOOGLED Dr. Buck and saw he was oncology to confirm = Cancer. At this point I had only heard the word once from Dr. Collins and even Dr. Soboutipour never said “C” word. Dr. James wrote that portal would need to be inserted. Things are all pointing to cancer and chemo. Rick has now started to clean up cat litter. He knows I am having a hard time with all of this. I cannot lift my right arm due to portal place. An appointment was made to see Dr. Buck the morning of 5/23. 

May 23(172lbs) I was off that day since it was Friday before Memorial Day. He explained it is cancer and Non-Hodkins Lymphoma “Diffuse Large B-Cell lymphoma” Dr. Buck said is one of the better cancers to get and he has 3 things to tell me. First is that he does not uses Stages to gauge the progression of cancer. He uses the PET scan to see the cancer and then adjusts the Chemo treatment according to that. 2nd thing is chemo treatment is called R-CHOP. Each letter stands for a different Rx that is given. I forgot the 3rd thing he said. Nurse Navigator Dawn O’Brien came in and spoke about the diagnosis. She told me about losing my hair. I started to cry and she hugged me. She said her two daughters are gingers and knows what that means. She gave me a big packet of information for me to review. I know now…that is what the portal being inserted by Dr. James is for. No issue later that day getting portal. Rick had to bring me since it was surgery, and I was going under. All went good. 

May 27th a scan was done, and it was with radioactive fluid (red) added to me so they could view my heart and where the contract went. 

June 3rd another scan was done. PET with special diet the day before. ***note that I am still coughing with all of this***These scans have you hold your breath so you don’t move. I kept praying to God that I wouldn’t cough to ruin the scan. God is good as each scan (voice over loudspeaker says hold breathe- now breathe) went without coughing. leg swelling and weight gained since May5 is 23lbs. Up now to over 180lbs. 

  June 4th Janelle called to make Dr. Buck appointment 6/10 to discuss scans and plans June 10th, (186lbs) my birthday I was off work anyway so had appointment to see Dr. Buck about scans and plans. I signed form for chemo treatment. He also noted the swelling in legs and said that it would go down 3 days after my first chemo treatment. He said to start wearing compression socks. Rick has some and even was helping me put them on, since I could barely start raising my legs. Rick bought me a cane and leg wedge so I can raise my legs up after work, when they are most swollen. 

  June 12th I went into appointment for quick 1hr education about Chemo. She explained again about hair loss and free wig, but they have to make sure you are bald before you get fitted for one. She went over the R-CHOP treatments and what to expect. 6/26 scratch on face from fall referred to Dr. Soboutipour and I don’t remember if I saw her or not. I have a little baby step to get up walkway into work. My leg couldn’t raise enough, and I caught my foot (I had slippers and socks since feet swollen and couldn’t wear shoes or walk good). Daymon saw me, jump off 12ft high dock and came and helped me up. Thank God he was there. He started helping me out to my car at end of day to help raise my legs into driver’s side. He even carried my purse and lunch bag. Such a wonderful guy to offer to help. I love him for that. Week earlier I had flip flops on at gas station. I had tried to raise my leg to get over the pump hose to reach other side of my car to clean windshield. My flip flop caught hose, and I fell. I couldn’t get up. I am too weak in arms and man on pump next to me had to lift me up. He asked if I was okay and told him I just tripped but couldn’t get up. I was more concerned about what crap I fell into (looked like boiled peanuts) but nothing was on my pants. Finally on highway to work, realized I had small scratch on knee from when I fell. No big deal. The scratch on my face was worse. Each day my feet and leg EDEMA were increasingly swollen and getting worse. I also noticed my voice was lower and getting harder to breathe and talk at same time. I was going on vacation so I needed to update my voicemail with out of office message. The eye opener was hearing that faint voice when I got back to work on 7/7.

6/30* ****MY MIRACLE DAY **** Both Rick and I are on vacation this week. He drove me to my Dr. Buck appointment. Plus is it hard for me to get in an out of car/ using cane to walk and that he can push me in wheelchair supplied at door of hospital. Rick shuttles me down to Dr. Bucks and since it was busy, he sticks me off to the side where no one was waiting. Janelle the nurse comes out to see me and lets me know that she is working to get a sooner appointment than 7/17 (Donalds Birthday) with chemo/ Infusion. She tells us it will be a little bit of her calling around and to sit tight to wait. Dr. Buck comes in hallway but his back is towards us. He goes into another office that has a bathroom. I told Rick, “That is Dr. Buck” since he never saw him before. Dr. Buck comes out of bathroom and now he sees me sitting in wheelchair. I say hello and introduce him to Rick. He says ; “Mrs. Doty you look like you are 9 months pregnant.” He feels my belly thru my shirt, and I show him my swollen legs. ”. I explained that Janelle was inside office trying to get me earlier appointment than 7/17. He says, “I am admitting you right now” 

 It was probably 1pm He walks away, and tears start streaming down my face. I know GOD just worked a miracle on my behalf. I could feel it. Rick even had tears swelling up since he knew how bad I was feeling. Janelle comes out of the office and happily (shes always smiling) says that I am being admitted. “Thank God” I said. She pushed my wheelchair through the hospital to the Oncology Ward. She said; “this never happens that a room is available and just opened up” Another miracle! God works in wonderous ways. The cleaning lady was still sweeping floor, so we waited outside in hall. They got me up from wheelchair and into bed. I had Rick help me undress into gown. Nurse Raina came in and introduced herself. She said this happened so fast that the Rx orders from Dr. Buck have not been sent over yet so please be patient. Rick knew that it was a matter of time before they would begin Rx so he kissed me and said goodbye. I told him I would call him later. 

It was now about 3pm. Nurse Raina had to clear out my port and she was telling me about her own (breast) cancer treatment. She looked good and her hair was beautiful. I told her that hearing about hair loss was the only time I cried. Its like losing a part of myself – my identity – my REDHEAD that signals to everyone – hey watch out! LOL! She said orders were coming through and that they would start my treatment. I am not sure if the “R” in R-CHOP was given that afternoon. I am thinking it came later that evening. I do know many different folks were coming into my room, blood pressure etc…and that it was always pleasant workers. I did get a bladder helper down there so if I had to go pee, it would vacuum it out. It was helpful since Dr. Buck prescribed LASIX to help reduce the fluid. Even in middle of night, the vacuum was great since I didn't have to get out of bed. 7/1 I was wheeled down early in the morning to get fluid removed. They ended up taking out 4+ liters of liquid and it filled one and half jars with yellow liquid. I googled it later and 4+ liters equals ten pounds of fluid. I know I started to feel better but still swollen. My lunch came and I was watching TV when nurse Emily said they were going to start the treatment. She did all the Chemo bags all day long and final one she needed to get white suited up like there was epidemic around. No pain, no nausea, no vomiting and kept feeling good…10lbs lighter! 

 I called Rick and even spoke to my sister Maureen before falling asleep and slept thru the night. 7/2 still in hospital my numbers were off and they were monitoring me. I finally was discharged on 7/3. My first round of R-CHOP went better than expected. I feel good, even with swelling still in legs that feel like armor trying to walk. 

8/11 (136LBS) I have been having for last few weeks numbness in my right foot – toes only and also in my fingertips and end of my nose. I don’t feel leakage coming out of my nose until its on my toplip area. The numbness is more like a tingle. I know its from cancer/chemo so I will check it out with Dr Buck when I see him tomorrow.

  8/12 My lab day, visit and Janelle came out to call me back to room. She was still smiling and telling me how good I look. We both agree that 6/30 was Miracle Day!! Dr.Buck said my tingles in toes/fingers/nose is neuropahy is a side affect of Vinchristine drug in Chemo. He noted that he will lower the dose of that drug for tomorrows Round 3 Chemo session Labs Rachel Ward, PE, said all looked good. My hemoglobin was 9.9 over the 8 mark. No blood transfusion needed like Chemo #2. I had asked my navigator Dawn O'Brien about using the Leukemia Lymphoma Society grant me they gave me to cover certain things. My prescribtions have been zero since early July. But she showed me it does not cover hospital visits and she spoke to Beth at LLS. I will do some research and submit my Spartanburg Regional /Gibbs Cancer Center bills to see if LLS can help cover some of the charges. The hospital said they need to be paid. Dawn said even if I sent a little money, they cannot send me to collections. 

  8/13 (140 lbs) today is Chemo Round 3 and also is brother John III birthday. He was known as 3rd and his license plate was JOMIII. As sister Maureen said, "It's serendipity" that 3rd chemo on 3rd's birthday"He is watching over me. I wore my shamrock socks for his memory. Chemo went good as I snacked a little, said my rosary and even rested. I think they gave me pills that make me sleepy. I was fading fast that I didn't even wake up until I heard the syringe siren going off that I was done a bag. I get different bags of Rx. One of them is VINCHRISTINE. LOL, one is red liquid and one tiny bag has a light sensitive brown bag on the outside. Nurse Vickie said the red one is attributed to hair loss. Figures!! That is the one she has to don a hasmat suit to give me. THE GOD MINUTE podcast Fr. Ron said on Sunday to "prepare" for Jesus and not just at advent. He gave little suggestions like saying rosary, going to daily mass, being kind to neighbor, write a Thank You to someone without reason, and other priest said he was handing out chocolate bars...since who could decline a good candy bar. So I brought to chemo an empty Thank You card for my nurse. It was Ms. Vickie again the same nurse as Chemo#2. Shes from Maryland so we always talk about the things we miss from home. Cannolis and seafood!

8/15 Maureen sent me clothes from #1SIS Kohls Mom

8/19 wt. 144lbs. I have noticed that the numbness has slightly been better. My nose was running and still couldn't tell since my nose/upper left are tingling still. I am eating too much sugar and I know from reading reports that sugar feeds cancer cells. I have hidden the Swedish Fish waaaaay in the back of my drawer. Plus they probably have that red dye #9 that will eventually give everyone cancer. My hair is still thinning but I watched Hey Wig Sister lady about a pull up messy bun wig and bought it on Amazon. My TATA friends all chipped in and got me an amazing generous $150.00 gift card. I will post picture of the nice wig someday.

8/19 Just got home from work (yes I am still working since I feel great!!!) and my cousin Kellie Costa sent me a St. Peregrine, saint of cancers, laminated pocket prayer card and a Jack & Chris leather key chain holder that has little heart that says "A Little Pocket Hug, other side says alwaysknow you are loved. I do cousin!! style="clear: both;"> 8/23 Watching PBS show called "To Dine For with Kate Sullivan:. Season 7-Episode 2. She is eating at restaurant called DiPaola's in NY interviewing "Shark Tank" Barbara Corcoran. Kate told her that Mark Cuban took her to IHOP and Barbara said she use to waitress at IHOP. It taught her a lot about how to pleae people. Kate replied that she too was a waitress at Muldoon's Saloon in Taunton. I thought there was only 1 that Maureen worked at- possibly met JP there? The reason Barbara picked DiPaola's was because it was a family restaurant in her neighborhood and she loves the huge crutons in the ceasar salad. I loved hearing that! The reason I took the time to write this is for her quote during the show.... "You know, joys a funny thing...It multiplies when it bounces off people next to you"!!!!!! JOY JOY JOY (TODINEFORTV.COM) 

 8/24 day spent reading up and researching on American Cancer Society website. Hate to admit that I haven't done much research. Collegan is bad...collegan is good? SEER SAGE has 5 year survuval rate for Stage 4 58%. I have to ask or research more and Serum LDH comes up to check into. They say the neuropathy (tingles in toes and fingers) will always be like this...800-227-2345

 8/26/25 Jean Pierre last day on earth and now with his heavenly angels to be close to Tyler again. So sorry Maureen and Molly have to go through the loss of cherished husband and father and for those of us who knew him as "brother-in-law". She knows his wishes in order to plan his funeral rituals. That always makes it easier after we go. Mom had her obituary and picture hung next to phone in kitchen. After losing my Dad at young age, then JOMIII being a funeral director...makes you understand that anything to tell your family ahead of time...makes it easier on them. so....I did write down my final wishes in my hard book journal on my bureau. Look at it if my time has expired. (the dash now has an added date June 10, 1966 (dash) xxxxxxxx 

 8/28 Song lyrics "Awesome Wonder" not sure why I wrote this down but know the song. First day wearing a bandana to work. I wore the bandana to FoodLion + CVS just on Saturday. I am afraid to wash my hair that I might be losing precious strands!! 8/31 Sunday we went to Waffle House and I wore bandana again. Rick said I was wearing it wrong and my ears should be "out". I like it over my ears. At least he said something... Back home saying my prayers. St. Peregrine is patron saint of cancer. I also bought leak proof underwear since using depends everyday at kitchen sink when I turn on water...then TMI>>>>> gotta go. I am not sure if that is symptom of chemo or old age. I know I was having bathroom issues back in the fall of last year but it stopped until recently. Yes I am doing KEGELS. 

 9/2 Lab work and Dr. Buck appointment. Rachel the PA said all labs looked good. I believe my weight was 144 and Janelle smiled as she told me how good I look in Ava Gabor wig. First time wearing it to out in public. Guys at work didn't say anything and never looked at me funny. I have been reading up on new catholic saint Carlos Arcutis. He died at age 15 of blood disorder Leukemia. Non-Hodkins Lymphoma is a blood disorder so this made a connection with me. Plus he is the first millennial saint. He is patron saint of digital age since he was chronoically things on computer for miracles. He also loved at young age to Eucharist Adoration. He said that was the :highway to heaven" and that rang a bell to me. I need that. So found out from church text that there was going to be a Eucharist Adoration that night at 6pm. I worked a little overtime and then went to church. Fr. "everyone kneel" announce the arrival of Eucharist. (prayers and songs were said) then Fr. left church. There was only a few of us so I didn't need my mask on. Then a elderly gentleman came and sat behind me. I told him I was going to move since I am in chemo. He said he went thru it 2 years ago and he understood. By the time I moved...more and more people were coming to church. Great!! more to adore Christ. Nope there were more and more and now I put my mask on. I got it that there was going to be a mass said probaly at 7pm. Fr. came back and took the Eucharist back to our chapel. Then he came back and announce the mass was being said for "HEALING". Wow!!! I was in the right place at the right time. I need this!!!! I ended up going up to alter and getting annointed with holy oil on my forehead and on both open palms of my hands. Some reason....I felt blessed...again. 

  9/3 Chemo Round #4 RCHOP bp 112/56 and weight 141lbs. I wore my purple portal shirt with new lilac bandana. Its important to keep hair up out of way. My nurse Hannah gave me the Rx and no issues. Nurse Navigator Dawn O'Brien came in for a visit. I told her how I want to exercise and build muscle back. I miss aqua aerobics. Dawn gave me calender of Cancer classes that are free. Tomorrow night is Yoga with Jan.I will sign up for it! I even got to hear pianist in lobby while waiting on ride from Rick. I asked her to play Clair du Lune, one of my Mom's favorite. I remember her hands playing that on our piano at home. Volunteer Barbara played it beautifully for me. Come to find out she is half Irish/half french, shes been to Notre Dame in Paris and has played at many different catherdals. She is catholic and her mother is one of seven children (so many Angel moments that connected us) Rick cooked burgers on grill when we got home and had nice 1-on-1 time. Got a box of loving from Joe & Kristi that was very thoughtful and appreciated! I miss them xoxo

9/4 one more shot of Rx and forgot to get nurse Connie her Snickers...shes waiting she said :) I had gone to hospital main enterance to ask where Yoga with Jan was...she called and found out in GIBBS conference room. As I drove back to Gibbs, Connie was walking out to her car. I asked her if she knew where conference room was and told me. Now she deserves another Snickers! The Yoga with Jan class was very gentle and soothing. All the ladies have been thru cancer so I knew I was in "friendly enviroment". I will go again next week. Ms. Alma told me about another class on Monday's at Mary Black Josey Bearden Breast Center. Strength Training. I cannot go next week since I am not supposed to exercise before my PET SCAN on Tuesday. It's been a heck of a week with being short handed. I got some overtime! 9/5 Rick found out that his insurance has cancer coverage. I need to get a "PATHOLOGY" report asap to get this bill paid. Weekend plans..none as that is what I love. I do my chores -dump trash, get laundry done and a few groceries. Maybe get out to ride bicycle a little more.

My Ava Gabor wig that pretty much matches my auburn redhead color. 

My Ava Gabor wig will be used plenty until my hair comes back. "looking good",

"beautiful" and "gorgeous" were the comments on FaceBook after I posted this picture. 

But here are pictures I am not sharing on public social media. These are aerial shots of back of my head. 

Milestone Achievement

My husbnad had a milestone achievement today. Something that is personal and nobody's business but I AM SO PROUD OF HIM!!! I want to do something special for him, but not sure what to get men who need to feel their wives happiness at them making this achievement! I guess flowers are a no go ...since they die. I will come up with something. Super proud of my hubby!!

Ancestry- Roots- Family Heritage

I am one of seven children so there was always a feeling of legacy in knowing we had enough of us to carry the "bloodlines" in our family. But lately...I have had these thoughts about how I am a childless 58yr old woman who did not have a "branch" on the family tree to continue that "bloodline" or roots. Sometimes I think about the children I would have had. I was even given a picture from a friend of what she thought my daughter would look like and yes she was a redhead. I always wanted a little girl who wouold have redhair and blue eyes just like me. That was the bloodline I was thinking. Now all these years later...I know we have a family "look" about us. Gabriel, my great nephew, looks a lot like my oldest brother. Michael John looks like Donald. That is why I always thought that I couold of had a redhead. When met my first husband and I spoke of children, I thought of a name that my imaginary little redhead girl would be...Gabrielle. It was french sounding so it paid homage to my French Canadian ethniticy. I also was married to a french guy so my last name would have sounded great with Gabrielle. We had made a pact whenn we got married young that we would wait five years to start a family. It turns out that after five years...there were other woman that needed my husband more than I did. Needless to say...there is no Gabrielle. (Side note- the guy married three other woman and did have a little girl named Gabrielle with his third wife) I was close to having a baby but it never happened. I was all caught up in the thought of being a mother. I was 36 years old and it was a boyfriend I had met via online ad. Our relationship was fast moving. He took me to Florida to meet his parents. I was sure this was the man of my future. Then it started happening again. The gut feeling wasn't something wasn't right. Leaving every Friday night for a "car auction" and yet dressed up? Other details were something that my gut told me was not right. Yet- eight weeks pregnant thought perfect time to tell my family I was pregnant. Boyfriend was still so excite and so was his family. I ended up finding out about her and where he was going. I think I found her by snooping on him but I found out. He never did confess as he really wanted this baby. The beginnning of new year brought disappointment and knowing what a D & C meant by OB/GYN. Another lost chance of naming my little girl Gabrielle. This guy ended up being verbally abusive because looking back, I caught him lying and cheating. His game was up! He got physcial once and from that moment on...I know I needed an out. I had an ad online and I was being pushed by "friend" to keep dating. Looking back, I should of done a lot of things different. Regrets...yes but cannot regret my past because it has brought me here. All things in my life I think have made me who I am.

Beach Trip with Jodi and Cindy

One of the highlights of my October had to be the beach trip I took with Jodi. We met Cindy at the airport and she came out of airport as UNICORN inflatable costume. It was a riot and great way to start the vacation. I always love being down by the ocean. This time it was a flashback memory to MB Ocean Annies. They have an outdoor bar right on the beach so you can listen to live music while sipping a cocktail and enjoying the sounds of waves crashing around you. This was my happy time! It was one week after Hurricane Helene knocked out power in our house for 7 days. Luckily we have a generator so used it to keep food cold and sparingly to charge our phones. Jodi was not so lucky. She still had no power / no running water. Her one request was to use the shower first thing getting into the hotel room! Not that she smelled bad because I rode 4 hours from Spartanburg to the beach with her in new truck! I just love to think back on all the wonderful memories MB has for me. Such an AH-Mazin time spent with friends as we giggled, met new folks (who also had inflatable cosutmes!!) and ate a good Reuban sandwich. The two "Hurricane" drinks felt good too!

Navy in our family

We have a history in my family of at least three generations of men in Navy. My Dad served during World War 1 My brother Donald went to school to become a Doctor, thru the Navy Unifored Services School in Bethesda MD. My nephew Tyler was in Navy doing EOD when he was KIA. I am proud of my family serving. Freedom is not free- at the cost of losing my nephew. My sister did get to meet Rear Admirals but she rather be talking to Tyler!

Patches

 This is little Patches our new kitten. Our cat Bob, is not too happy, but he tolerates her. Just sitting on my lap so figured I would capture the reason why she is Patches. 

#memorialday2022

 "Live a life worth their sacrifice." (@Crankeedoodle)  #MemorialDay2022 #MemorialDayWeekend

I would like to think that Memorial Day isn't all about barbecues and mattress sales and extra Kohl's bucks.

Sometimes I can't imagine the sacrifice that Tyler gave for all of us. But then I think of this quote, "Live a life worth their sacrifice."  How can I show Tyler everyday that his life was worth my life?  

My sister's family has a hard time every May between Tyler's birthday, Mother's day, and then Memorial day. It's all reminders of the life that was lost and the memories we could be making now with him.

I never want to exalt his sacrifice. There is no "benefit" to being Gold Star family. Often it is said, it is a title we do not wish to have.

We donated money to the EOD foundation to lay a brick in the new Memorial gardens. It is to honor the memory of Tyler, just a brick, but it means a lot. Hopefully by 2029, when it will be the 20th anniversary, maybe the whole family can be at the EOD Memorial to see it.

So as you go about your nice long weekend, I hope it's fun, relaxing, and yes ...even memorable. 

JOY radiates within me

I have a word that I picked way back in January (only a few blogs ago-LOL).  It is JOY!

I found this in my Daily Word for October and wanted to share as it hits the nail right on the head. If you know me, you will shake your head and agree that this is me. 

 

 

The spiritual gift of joy is like a candle burning eternally within my heart. Just as each sunrise illuminates the earth with warm hues, joy lights me up from the inside out.

Sights and sounds spark my awareness of joy. Hearing the beat of a favorite song, seeing the beautiful fall foliage, feeling the touch of a loves one’s embrace- all of these things ignite a spark within me.

Whenever I feel darkness in my life, I mediate on the joy in my life. As I reflect, the joy within my heart grows. I feel it’s like the sun warming my entire body. It sends tingles to my arms and legs. I cannot help but smile as joy radiates within me. God is present and I am grateful

 

 

I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete- John 15:11

Memories from a song....

BJ Thomas: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"

I think my Memere and Pepere got me a little ceramic music box when I was little. It resembled a "Precious Moments" type of baby that was sleeping with its bum up in the air.  I have a picture of me in this pose and I guess they thought it looked like me. 

The song the music box played was BJ Thomas: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head".  I saw something on Facebook today about that song.  I think it said 1972 which would make me 6 years old. That is about right.  I would take this music box and stuff it under my pillow so I could listen to it and fall asleep. I still love rain. The sound, smell and the way it washes away the dirt.

It might of also been to drown out voices of sisters Maureen and Janet, who also shared the bedroom with me. Wow another memory of one big bedroom with three twin beds in it.  Looking back now...I have no idea how my parents did it. So very thankful for all their sacrifices and hard work it took to raise seven children.  I was watching "Walburgers" TV show about Mark and Donnie Walburg who are famous actors/singers.  They were from Dorchester, MA and family of nine. The last episode I watched had Donnie talking about sharing a bed with his brother. Not because he wanted too...they had to. 

I laughed knowing how big families operate and how valuable "space" is.  I know that's the reason I love to do laundry is because of the alone time and "space" I had to be away from all the sisters and brothers.  Then I think of my friends who did not grow up in large families or were only child in family and missed these moments.  It's not any better or worse than how I was raised, but I know I am who I am today because of the family I have and the way I was raised. Just wish they could of experienced this type of family dynamic. Maybe through me...they do!

more Joy

Psalm 30:11 NIV
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

Hearing the word Joy in The Word was very uplifting today. Pastor Ron said to turn our mourning into dancing and to turn our sorrow into JOY.

EXACTLY !!!

March is not JOYFUL

I get moody in March. It has been that way since my Dad died on March 2, 1979.  My spirits then lift up when I know it's my Godchild/niece Molly's birthday.  She always brings a smile to my face. Then I find myself sulking because it is still winter and I am sick of the gray-ness of everything. I want to see some color! So I break out the kelly green and plaster it around with shamrocks everywhere. Why not? I'm an O'Malley and shamrocks make me smile. I wear one all the time just to make me smile.

St. Patrick's Day is another March day that I am very moody. On the one hand its festive and fun and get to honor my Irish heritage of being a 5th generation Irish-American. But on the other hand I have such WONDERFUL memories of the two biggest Irish influences in my life that I have lost. My Dad and my oldest brother John. John was so well known in our city for his Irish heritage, that a local Irish pub painted his picture on the outside wall.  Yes we O'Malley's are known for hanging around Irish pubs a time or two. I guess growing up at O'Malley's Tavern helped!  That is where I remember Dad and his Irish steins and the smell of beer and cigarettes. It's those memories that come back to my mind around March 17th and I get sad at losing the two most influential men in my life.

I feel so empty without them sometimes.  I would give anything for one more hug, kiss or laugh.
My best friend said: "God just wanted the best St's to be with him so he took them in March"

 “Things never go the way you expect them to. That's both the joy and frustration in life. I'm finding as I get older that I don't mind, though. It's the surprises that tickle me the most, the things you don't see coming.”

― Michael Stuhlbarg

Joy Filled Life

Lord, I know that You have promised to give me everything I need to live a joy-filled life. Thank You for Your blessings, and help me to live a life of joy beginning today. In Jesus' name. Amen.

#myoneword

#myoneword

“Finding a New Kind of Resolution” by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen was on HIS Radio this morning.

That was ironic that it was the day after I posted my “Word of the Year” on my blog yesterday. You might be wondering why even pick a word versus various resolutions.

“It’s better to do something about ONE thing, than nothing about EVERYTHING” said Mike Ashcraft.

They had great ideas on how to pick your “Word of the Year”.

First you should be journaling and writing down your thoughts. You would need to then think of the person you would like to be and describe those traits or characteristics that you see in others that you want for yourself. Make a list of about twenty words and then leave it alone. Let it sit while you think about it. Take it out and look it over, think again and pray on it.  Narrow it down to 3-4 words. Now you can look up in dictionary and thesaurus.  You can find acronyms, synonyms, and search the Bible. Pick Scriptures with the words you have left and see which one “speaks” to you best.

I looked up JOY in dictionary this morning and the three definitions that speak to me are:Cheerfulness, pleasure, happiness.

I want to live my life this year as those three things.

Links:

http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/5601073-2-good-deals

http://www.rachelolsen.com/finding-a-new-kind-of-resolution

Late or tardy

I might be a few days late but I am a great procrastinator. "procrastination leads to exasperation". I guess that should be one of my New Year’s resolutions. I hate being late! If I am late to work- there is a reason why.  I logged in yesterday morning but had to use bathroom.  I have to email my boss in TX that I am here at work.  It helps confirm my log in time in case I forget to log in.  Well by the time I emailed her it was 8:12 and told her I had to use the bathroom. She replied “TMI” lol. If it is8:12 and you have not heard from me, something is wrong.  Either my cell phone is home and I can’t text you that I’m late or I’m stuck in bathroom. LOL  I really HATE being late.

I am the one who sits quietly in church ahead of time, usually saying my rosary or prayers in peace. I do not arrive at 8:12am expecting to find a seat and then disrupting Mass. I also am always early for Dr. appointments, or arranged time to meet up with friends. If I am late….reach out to find out why.  It’s not in my nature to be late. 

Get Your Joy Back

My word of the year 2015
I have a word that is going to be my “Reflective Word of the Year- 2015”  It is JOY.

Scripture says: “…weeping may last through the night, but JOY comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5,NIV

When I wake up every morning, I will try to have JOY and usually I do.  I am very joyous for a new day and new adventures.  You can decide to wake up and be JOYful or you can choose to be miserable.  I find the word JOY a lot this time of year. Like the song “JOY to the World”. It usually is tied together with Peace and Love.  Seems only natural for three (holy trinity) attributes to be linked.  God fills my life with JOY but also Peace and Love. I put a smile on my face and choose to live my life as a happy person and try to spread the JOY  Nothing is more satisfying than to make someone else smile.  Why are people negative, grumpy, discouraged, sour  and depressed?  They are ALIVE!  There is life running through their body and it may not be the best body, but it’s a chance to make the most of life.  I love the movie “SCROOGE” with Albert Finney.  Just watched it for the last time this season on New Year’s Day.  The ending where he says, “I will live my life…as if it were my last.” Always shows me that as miserable of a man that he was, he saw the chance to change and begin again.  Such a great story. I choose to live my life as if it were my last. I love life and will keep smiling. 

JOY TO THE WORLD!!

Family makes me wicked happy

There is something about being away from family for both the distance far away and for those no longer here. Such a sadness that comes over me for not being home in Massachusetts to see smiles, feel hugs and listen to the laughter. But the great news I will be going home for a visit very soon. Every moment will be cherished until we meet again...

I am so excited to meet my great nephew Gabe, who I only saw in nursery when he was born 4 years ago. And new great nephew Tobias who already brings me big toothy smiles when I see his picture on Facebook. 

Life is too short not to share the love. I am singing "I'll be Home for Christmas" at the top of my lungs. 

Angels All Around

It might of been Halloween with ghost around but it is now November. Not ghosts but Angels.
My Mom's birth month and the month my parents got married in 1955 along with family holiday memories. 
I feel Angels all around me. The simplest things sometimes seem like a whisper from above. I know they are watching over me and I feel their love all around.  Its not easy losing grandparents, parents, brother or nephew but knowing that I have a "team" of heavenly spirits helping guide me along and still sending their love. 

Shes always there saying a little prayer for me...

Baby Holding and missing my family

Tears come easy to some people. I am one of those people. The feelings I have in my heart are so deep that things touch me and tears begin to flow. Holding a 3 week baby...tears. New mothers at work would bring their newborn bundles of joy in to show everyone. The baby would be passed around to all the gushing coworkers. Inevitably the new mom would ask if I wanted to hold the baby. I would always say no. Two reasons. First, I never wanted to "feel" the baby in my arms. It is a indescribable feeling that when you really want children and then you hold a baby that it is beautiful but there is a hurt inside of "why not me"? The second reason is I don't think passing around a baby among too many people is a good thing. Maybe 2 but 5-8-10 people at such a young age.. That's too much stimulation and anxiety on the baby.
I had tears holding him but I also had big huge smiles.

I held my best friends 3 week grandson for a good half hour. There really is no better feeling than holding a baby or hugging someone close to your body. That bond, even for a little while, felt so awesome. He slept so peacefully and I knew as I rubbed my hand back and forth down his back, that he felt my love. Jaxson broke my 7+ year streak of no baby holding.
I know I would of made a great Mom but hope I made a half way decent Aunt. Now I just need to find a way home so I can hold my great-nephew Tobias in my arms, who is "Cool Like His "Great" Auntie!!

Just call me Fishy Chrissy

It was on my bucket list.  I wanted to learn how to SUP, Stand Up Paddleboard.  Yesterday was Paddle-Fest at Lake Blalock in Chesnee, SC.  I belong to a MEETUP group and saw it advertised last weekend so I signed up for a "Gilligan's Island" 3 hour kayak tour in the morning and beginner paddleboard class.  Ever since my best friend, Bridget who lives in Destin, FL and has her own SUP,  told me I would love it since I love the water so much... I have wanted to try this. I am so glad I did! I took right to it! Not to boast but it was piece of cake and yes I did fall off and got wet.  I was testing my feet/stance and it wobbled too much so I went over.  It's ok... I wanted to learn how to get back on it out in the open water.  Now I want to take a trip down to Charleston (Charleston SUP Harbor tours ) or take a trip to Destin.  Great weekend and for my next bucket list item....horseback riding.
(Ps just noticed that I must of gotten on quick seeing the canoe timing in background)



praying: Dear Lord, help me up!

whooaaa



Nailed it!

 

Hair

Left pic is summer of 2012 when I was losing a lot of my hair from post GB surgery.
The middle picture I love...why is it that my hair looks so good pre-haircut?  I didn't wear the same shirt or earrings from 2012 on purpose.  Nor did I replicate my smoky eye makeup.  It is just that this goes good with my Fleur de Lis shirt. I have been told that a smoky eye looks good with my blue eyes.
The picture to the fah right is from Coco's cell phone at Express'd after Ashley cut it.  Notice my right side is shorter and the overall length was trimmed.  Nothing too drastic but one of these days I want to go as short as when I had a "Flowbee" vacuum back in 1980's.

How wind therapy calms me

I did go work out tonight and was able to press 100lbs on the thigh machine. I always knew I had voluptuous thighs. Dancers and swimmers and I've heard soccer players usually have nice thighs.

I need to get on the motorcycle and ride. I was able to take the bike out for about an hour.

The way the wind feels against my body is amazing.  It is not just the wind but the smells, the heightened sights because you are wide open to everything.  I enjoy the simple things in life. All it takes is the smell of sweet fresh cut hay to make me smile. Just don't smile long on a motorcycle or else you might catch a bug between your teeth.  I honestly smile constantly when riding on bike.  It calms me and makes me at peace.  :)

song

MKTO "Classic"

Free time

I like having free time by myself. My husband's work was shut down last week for 4th of July. He went to visit his friend Ken in Jacksonville and the two of them were going fishing. He hasn't seen Ken since before he met me back in 1998. It was good to have the house to myself, especially the remote (flickah). I could watch all the sappy movies or better yet...Hallmark Channel had Christmas movies on.
I admit that I also had a solo dance party when I heard one of my new favorite songs come on MKTO "Classic" (posted below or above this post)

I did get to spend some time with friends I haven't seen in a while. Saturday was at Jodi's to see her son Jeremy turn 20. Kyndall made him a delicious looking New York cheesecake that she was so proud the top never cracked. I played Left, right, center and whoever lost had to do a shot of Fireball (one of my favorites). I heard about a recipe to mix Woodchuck Amber beer with Fireball and then add some vanilla ice cream in blender. I will have to try this sometime since I love Angry Orchard and Fireball together to make Angry Balls.

On Wednesday, last week it was a beautiful day outside and I had wished that I was riding the bike that day. I had stopped at Waffle House and had my favorite with extra pickles.  A end of a nice week that I got a lot done in the house like caulk the tub.

It was great to have him home. I was worried about him driving home during hurricane Arthur which was coming up the coast the same time he was due to come home. He loves to go out during storms or bad weather. The beautiful sunshine days, he is in the house. A bad storm- it is adventure time to go explore places.

Now back to watching hunting and fishing shows or COPS because I don't have the remote. He would also ask where I was going if I just up and left to go on my own adventure to some far away place...like QT in Duncan for a hot pretzel with some Gahlic buttah...MMmmmmm It's 9pm Friday night. If he goes to bed early...I might just hop in my Kia Sorento Cheese and go to Duncan or Dunkin! (he did just go to bed...9:20pm and I'm going out for dessert.)

Me and sister Janet with sleeping photo bomb Adam on hammock

Marco Island for Donald and Karen's wedding

Back Row: Brother David & his wife JoAnn, Husband Rick, Me!, Sister Janet, Michael on end with his wife Sandy in red next to him. Front Row: Janet's daughter Colleen, Brother Donald, his wife Karen, and Donald's daughter Jessica. Picture taken at sunset on Sunday May 25th for Donald & Karen's pre-wedding Beach BBQ at Marco Island Marriott. Missing from Picture is Sister Maureen, her husband Jean-Pierre, Niece Molly and Nick with newborn great-nephew Tobias. Sister Janet's husband Patrick and my other niece Bridget with Paul and my great nephew Gabe. Also missing are David & JoAnn's children Lauren and Austin.

Me and brother Donald

Twenty Things about me....

1. What brings you the greatest joy? Smiles and Laughter 2. What are your vices? Lionel Ritchie....LOL just kidding has to be Booze!! 3. What is on your nightstand? Lamp, iphone charger, earplugs, sleeping mask, "Laughter of God" by Sr. Miriam Pollard, my 4. What is your secret talent? I cannot reveal my secret talent or else it wouldn't be a secret 5. What is your greatest indulgence? goes with my secret talent!! but if I could eat it again, it would be Vienna Mocha Chunk ice cream from Friendly's 6. What should every woman try at least once in her life? To be alone and get in tune with all the things that make you who you are, and what brings you happiness and get closer to God. Also think a woman needs to try to be self sufficent without parents, partner or children. 7. What makes you laugh? I love to laugh and some of the stupidest things make me laugh out loud. Love the Geico Camel commercial, "Mike Mike Mike". Not a day goes by without some form of laughter- medicine for the soul. 8. What is one thing people would be surprised to know about you? I am so shy and introvert that I have to force myself to meet people. Most people think I am outgoing and talkative. Nay Nay I say... Break my shell and I ooze out. 9. What is on your bucket list? #1 would be trip to Ireland but then I think a trip anywhere would be nice. Even to Georgia would be a dream come true. #2 would be horseback riding since my last experience was as a big girl and not as enjoyable as I thought, #3 scuba diving again to experience something I loved as big girl but want to feel it at this size. #4 go to a top of a moutain and sit in quiet and feel closer to God. #5 get my own motorcycle. (there is more but those are my top five) 10. What is on your feet right now? slippahs 11. How did you make your first dollar? Babysitting for the Nelson's. Sean, Kathleen and then Andrew who was just a baby. I did not have much experience with babies so think that is why I only did it for a little while. Use to cook stovetop popcorn and Lenders bagels while watching Dukes of Hazzard with them. 12. What superstition do you believe in? Bad mojo if you walk over a grave and still never put my shoes on counter, table or sink but think that was more Mom's rule than superstition. 13. What items in your closet do you wear the most? anything Red! at least once a week...on Friday's 14. What is the best gift you’ve ever received? I won an award one year around Christmas for a $500 Visa gift card and it was a Christmas that I had no money to buy gifts for family. Best gift for winning the award and for sharing with family. Cherish all my Irish Christmas ornaments from my brother John. And a special birthday surprise a few years ago. 15. What is on your liquor shelf? see #2

16. What is on your kitchen counter? starting from left to right: Olive oil, 2 pepper mills, salt box, all wooden spoons are in round cannister, all cooking utencils in another cannister, round Boo's block, coffee can with grease drippings, coffe can with coffee!, sugar, coffee pot, Palmolive dish detergent, rose plant on shelf with coffee mugs, toaster oven, knife sharpener, cutting board, chips, crackers in wire basket, another Boo's cutting block with all our bills on top. Too much crap!! 17. What would you never leave home without? keys. wallet. phone. Oh and clothes would be essential. 18. What movie has the greatest ending? Sixth Sense left me scratching my head...what did I miss...HUH??? Worse ending was Lassie- hands down!! 19. Who is on the guest list for your ideal dinner party? My sweet angels to see them one more time, Michael Buble and Blake Shelton for their music and quick one liners, Jesus to turn the water into wine- just kidding but seriously would be EPIC dinner party. Julia Child for her wisdom, voice and to help me cook! 20. What is one thing you wish you had known when you were younger? How to invest money, stock market, and that every moment spent loving someone is a precious gift to not take for granted.

Helping

I have this thing that I feel better about myself when I help others. That is not a bad thing, but sometimes it puts a strain on my heart when I cannot help MORE. There has been this stray dog (yellow lab mix) that has been hanging around my work. A week ago Friday, I heard him barking while I was leaving for the weekend. When I got to work this past Monday, I saw him. It was pouring rain out and he was hanging around a grassy patch out across the street. I had asked others where I work if they saw him on Friday but they said they only noticed him that day. I went to Family Dollar and got him some wet and dry dog food. He ate the whole bowl. He had been wandering around between our building and the abondoned one across the street. He wasn't really annoying anyone so I left for the day. He was there again Tuesday and Carmen fed him two plain burgers for lunch. The security guard across the street said he called Animal control. Josh from the warehouse said when Animal Control came, the dog ran in the other direction. Smart dog!! LOL My husband showed up after his work to see the dog and it was barking at every truck so he said no. I tried to tell him that is his only fun is barking at trucks. So Wednesday was a gorgeous day and I fed him in the morning and again before I left for the day. Same thing on Thursday except there were three police cars across the street. I thought they were there for the dog! I told Josh I was going over to the cruiser to tell them to call Animal Control. Josh said, "why don't you just call them?" I said, "because I want to check out the cop!" I walked over and showed the police officer the wandering dog. Of course the dog follows me now that he knows I give him food, cookies and water. The cop was not cute but actually looked like he was injured in his face. Anyway....another day and still the dog was wandering around. Friday I called Animal Control myself and told the girl that they dog comes up to me and is not too agressive. She said if I can get a leash on him, she will take him. When the van pulled up, the took could sense something (maybe the smell?) but when I shook the bag of dog food, he came running. I tried to put the leash on him, but he turned his head and walked away. I didn't want to scare him since he has been well behaved all week. The Animal Control officer said if I could put a leash on him, that I should take him home. I told her that if I took him home, I would be divorced since my husband and I had an argument earlier in the week when I told him I really wanted to bring the dog home. One last dish of dog food and I said goodbye for the weekend. Or so I thought... Today was raining and the temperature was dropping. I was out with a friend so I bought more wet and dry dog food and went up to see if dog was still there. As soon as I pulled in..he ran over and when I lifted my truck, he was wagging his tail happy to see me. I talked to him and gave him food. I went in to use the bathroom and then came out to say goodbye. Feel so bad for this poor dog but I will keep helping him as much as possible. Only wish I could do more... What else can I do? Update on dog was that the Dog catcher came last Friday and picked up the dog...hope it found a good home.

Pistachio Sour Cream Cake

I made this Pistachio Sour Cream Cake for my co-workers birthday's. It is a tradition to bake it around St. Patrick's Day due to the color. My niece Molly's birthday is March 2nd and my Mom use to make this cake for her. Not only is it delicious, but it brings back lots of memories. I see her handwriting on the recipe and it brought tears to my eyes. Lots of love went into writing out that recipe. She knew I would be making this recipe and thinking of her. It was her special love that make it WONDERFUL. I miss her

Missing my Dad...

I know I was his baby girl. There was a special bond between us that I still feel is with me. He was the first man I ever loved and have loved the deepest. He was affectionate when it counted. Hugs, kisses and I Love You were felt. The soft eyelash butterfly kisses and forehead kisses are what I miss the most. He was 52 years old and I was eleven when he died of massive heart failure. He had triple bypass a few years earlier so he became frail after that surgery. In my eyes, he is still the 6'2" tall, strong and skinny man who worked very hard supporting the seven children and Mom. Last Tuesday on radio a girl was talking about how her Dad would tell her everyday she was beautiful. My co-worker Carmen said her father never did that. I told her mine neither but he was a sweet caring father. I told her how he would sing Tor-rah-Lora Lora to me when he tuck me in at night. I came home from work and there was a package waiting for me. Actually two of them but I'll tell you about the second package another time. It was from my sister Janet. She had a nice card on top when I looked inside. It said, "hope you enjoy these in South Carolina". I opened it up and took two of my Dad's Norweigan woolen sweaters out. I cried... Balled. I was rectly thinking that I had nothing of his. Now I did and as I put on the sweater, it was as if he was in it with me giving me a hug. Priceless!! Memories of hugging him when he wore it came flooding back. I posted pic on Facebook and ate supper. Later on after my husband went to bed, I was flipping through channels on the remote. I stopped on TMC to watch what else...."Bells of St. Mary's" with Bing Crosby who played Father O'Malley. This was the movie that he sings (you guessed it) Tor-rah-Lora Lora. Anazing and WONDERFUL to have such a great day of memories of a great man. I love you Daddy.

A weekend gone

It was such a wonderful weekend weather-wise. Lots of sunshine and warmth that the heat was turned off in the house and the windows were opened to air it out from stale winter air. I did a few "spring cleaning" chores but wish I had a "dumbstah" to throw all the extra things I have accumulated through the years. My friend Shelley from Rhode Island is flying into to spend a week. She is such a great friend that I had the same "shell" tattoo done on my leg as her. It also is a scallop shell so means something extra special to me. I am looking forward to having fun and maybe even taking a trip down to MB- Myrtle Beach next weekend. I only hope the weather is as gorgeous next weekend as it was this weekend. Next weekend fo' sho I won't be stuck in the house all weekend.